Continuation of the China's "Embarass Mom as Much as I Can" saga..

Yesterday I was feeling a bit lazy/sleepy after work so I decided to get off my ass and do something a little productive.. so off to the Marina I went, rollerskates and China in tow. After establishing she would best be not to run in front of me and slow down, we made up a tidy little pace, rolling along happily down the pathway. Look at us! We're rollerskating, we're moving, we're grooving, look how much fun we're having! There were quite a few joggers and fat people walking along the bay. We reached the halfway point, I paused for a while to tighten my skates, and then went along our merry little way back up to the car.

3/4 of the way China stops a few dozen feet in front of an obese couple slowly making their way towards us. I let go of the leash and do the roll-to-a-stop-20-feet-later maneuver. I gingerly turn around to see that China has decided to take a dump, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONCRETE PATH. As a bad dog owner, I was ill-prepared and didn't bring a baggy (she already pooped in the morning for Chrissakes! How much poop can this dog produce??) I rummaged through my pockets and found a few tissues. Not wanting to leave such a huge turd in such a high traffic area, I picked up the poop very delicately (only picking up about 3/4 of the huge mass), imagining what it'd be like if I lost my balance and landed facefirst into the poops. No, not good. Slowly.. carefully.. yes.. off to the side I quickly tossed the offending waste, very conscious that the couple was still slooowly making their way towards my poop show.. it was then I began to lose balance and so I screamed, bringing more attention to myself. Thoroughly embarrassed I gathered China's leash and skated away as fast as I could, not looking back.

China's mission accomplished for the day.

This past weekend I attempted my first try at rollerskating down by the bay with China in tow.

Obstacles:
1. My poor skating ability
2. China's penchant for bolting after squirrels

I was well equipped with my wrist and knee pads and had a little talk with China beforehand. "China, baby, please don't run after the little squirrelleys cuz you'll make momma fall and bleed." It worked. Somewhat.

We had just started out and were going fairly slowly when she made her first attempt to flee. I held on to the leash after she bounded after some creature in the bushes. Fortunately I wasn't going too quickly so I was able to brace myself awkwardly and pull her out whilst yelling at her to stop. Nobody around. Whew.

I wasn't so lucky the second time. We were going at a fairly good pace when she decided she wanted to stop NOW to smell whatever doggies smell by the side of the path. I wasn't going to hold on to her this time so I let go of the leash, and wouldn't you know it, some dude is walking *slowly* towards us in the opposite direction. I can't stop just yet, so while calling for China, I gradually slowed to a point about 20 feet past her before I could turn around and skate back up to her. Meanwhile dude's just sauntering along slowly, watching the whole event unfold. Greeeat. I recover my pooch and we go on our merry little way with no more major drama.

China was pooped after sufficiently embarassing her mom. I think China's mission in life is to find ways to embarass me. From running around with long tendrils of grass connected poop coming out of her butt, to peeing in water reservoirs in front of a large group of Japanese tourists, I think she's done a pretty good job.

I had a dream last night that I went to remove my contacts from both eyes. However instead I took out a protective layer of film the doctor had laid down to help my eyes heal. My eyes were red and exposed, my vision clouded and blurry. I placed thin small sheets of rubber over my eyes in desperation and called my doctor, who had reiterated over and over again in the past that whenever the slightest worry came over me, I could call him immediately and he'd be there for me. When I called, he said he wasn't available.. he was leaving town. He gave me another strange doctor's name and all I can recall from the rest of my dream was how lost I felt without the one person there who I thought I could count on.

Issues.

Last night I was reminded why I stay away from video games.

A few weeks ago I recieved a game called 'Golf Resort Tycoon' through a gmail swap. It had been sitting in my pantry for a while (don't ask.. it just got stuck there behind my walnuts and flatbread), and last night I spotted it as I was making dinner, so I grabbed it and installed it.

I spent the next 3 hours in a row madly focused on making the most awesome golf course IN THE WORLD. This game is geared towards kids, so it wasn't too hard to build my empire. I call it my Empire of Juliland (my aunt calls me that for some reason).

I've built my 9-hole course, complete with volcanoes and water hazards everywhere. Golfers have to zigzag through the holes because there is barely any green left after the sand traps were put in. After each hole there are pyramids and peaks golfers have to trek through to find the next hole.

There are maintenance sheds, landscaping sheds, and a big pest control department I had to set up to combat the ever present gopher problem. You see the little pest control dudes wander out onto an infested course (while golfers are playing, of course) and start doing this unusual pumping action against the ground. Soon after they wander a few yards away and watch the ground explode with little bits of brown (gopher?) pieces that fly up into the air.

The golfers themselves are pretty amusing.. each one can be picked up "by the hand of God" and placed anywhere on the screen. If you place them waaaaay across the land in the middle of the forest, they wander back to the golf course. They say things like, "I'm starving!" and "If I had a penny for each minute I waited, I'd have a dollar!" and you hear little exclaims of their frustrations and joys out on the course.

Anyways, I'll probably be over it by tonight. Ooo.. I also have my 'Harry Potter' game I haven't opened yet.. Hmmm..

Ode to the Godfather

This post is dedicated to a deli sandwich the old Italian guy sells during lunch at my company. It is called the Godfather. This lovely concoction is the ambrosia of all sandwiches! You think I'm kidding.. I've gotten other people to join the Godfather Fan Club!! (well, just one other coworker who is as obsessed as I am)

Let me tell you what goes into this delicious entity. First, there is the bread.. it's a floury crusty italian bread that smells heavenly. Next you have a layer of basil pesto, followed by sundried tomatoes and a covering of what looks like sundried red peppers. Now for the good stuff: Coppa, proscuitto, and provolone. YUM YUM YUM!! Throw in some lettuce and a teeny bit of mayo.. and you gots yourself a KICKASS sandwich!

My coworker and I are seriously obsessed about this sandwich. We IM about it back and forth in the mornings, talking about how awesome it is and what would happen (god forbid) if the Italian deli guy ran out of sandwiches, or even worse, if he had one left which one of us would get it. There would be bloodshed for sure.

Today I almost ran into that situation. The VP of the company happened to arrive at the same time and there was only ONE Godfather left. After pondering my dilemma, I touted the praises of the mozzarella and tomato sandwich while very stealthily grabbing the goods and exchanging monies quickly with the deli guy. The deli guy seems a little wary around me ever since my coworker and I confessed our adoration for the Godfather. I think he thinks I'm a little strange in the head.

Partially cropped out of an email because I'm lazy:
 
I'm becomming more and more obsessed with golf..
 
Sunday:  woke up at around 9:30, went to the driving range and hit 140 balls..  I'm perfecting my 3 wood drive.  I hit pretty well with it, over 200 feet (yards?  Whatever the heck measuring system golf courses use).. and considering it's my only wood/driver, it'll have to do for now.  This weekend I'm planning on going to 'Play it Again Sports' and turning in my bag for one that I can carry around more easily.  I may trade in my 3 wood and/or just buy more woods/drivers to complete my set.   After golf I picked up China and we went to Pt. Isabel.. we walked around the bay and she got a long overdue bath from Mudpuppy's.  Hooray, all clean.  I stopped by the oceanside cafe near the Berkeley Marina and bought a fucking $10 crab sandwich.  A $10 sandwich!!  and that didn't even include fries or anything!!  Oh well.  I was totally craving a crab sandwich after walking along the beach so it was worth it.  I came home, did a bunch of chores, obsessed over more golf stuff, watched the golf channel, watched the Sopranos, chatted a little with Merima and Laquel, and slept early like an old lady.

Happenings:
 
1.  Getting peripheral vision blurriness in both eyes.  The doctor this morning said that's normal for the next month or so.   While I was at the doctor's office I stole 2 colored contacts samples.  I stole !!  I am notta crook.
 
2.  Trying to get Mark to buy golf clubs.  Trying to get friends to buy golf clubs.
 
3.  The people at Kathy Smith's State Farm Insurance Agency are bitches (including Kathy Smith herself) and they run a poor business.  Even after my customer loyalty of over 5 years of my business they try and screw me over and give me the run around because of *their* mistakes.  DO NOT BRING YOUR BUSINESS THERE.
 
4.  I don't know about this new blogger format.  It kind of sucks that the html is on a seperate page now..  I'm lazy enough as it is linking pages in my blogs, now that I have to go to a seperate page to do it, I'll be even more less likely.
 
5.  That's enough of my ranting, have a good weekend, all.

 

I should write, yes.

Hmm, my mind is a little bit of a blank right now. Work's been steady with just the right about of stress to keep me pumping along. Tonight I play my first course.. a 9 hole course at Cypress Hill. Isabella is in heat or something cuz she's been abnormally full of herself lately. I almost fell off of her Monday, bitch!!

China is turning 3 in August.. we went to the dog park yesterday and another 'regular' asked me how old she was and couldn't believe she was so young. I swear my dog acts like she's 50.. all the other dogs run around her and she just stands there staring off into space panting. She reminds me of Pete Sampras when I see her like that. When Pete is running around a lot in tennis matches and "concentrating", he gets that blank look while he's breathing with his mouth open. Couldn't find a good picture of that. :(

I'm supposed to wear these goggles at night so I don't rub the top layer of my eyeball off. They're awesome and I wish I could wear them all the time. Seriously.



Ok, I know this is like.. so 50 years ago, but I love that song "Toxic" by Britney Spears. The music video is so friggin awesome. I read somewhere the scenes with her jewel-encrusted bodysuit wasn't a bodysuit at all, but rather thousands of crystals glued onto her body one-by-one. I love the scene where she's in the airplane bathroom with that guy and she rubs her ass against his crotch. Can you say HAWT?

Sore today.. yesterday morning (after about say.. 4 1/2 hours of sleep), I went to the driving range to try out my golf clubs for the first time. I have no idea whether the clubs are good or not at my level, but it was satisfying to smack them down the field. Tilden Golf Course's driving range is a 3-level structure so if you're on the 2nd or 3rd level it seems like your golf ball just SAAAAAILLLLS when you get a good shot. Mighty satisfying. My 7-iron and I are best friends.. I can get the most consistant shots from this iron. I had a few good shots with the only wood I have - my 3-wood (shh.. you pervs out there). I had a few embarrassing swing-and-a-miss's here and there. It's kind of like tripping in public with none of your friends around. You can't really laugh about it with someone so you look around and make sure no one saw what you did. Teehee.

Amit made this HUGE amazing spider out at the Albany bulb open space. If you have a chance go and see it.. it's so friggin cool. Merima and I sent with him yesterday to work on it for a little bit and he's really done an amazing job with the legs and body. It looks like it's crawling across the beach and rocks.. so AWESOME.

For the longest time, Merima and I have been proclaiming that no one else was allowed to be happy unless we were happy. NOBODY!! Not even anyone in our family!! Because we're selfish like that. :) I think it's safe to say you all can be happy now.

Hooray, no more glasses or contacts!

This afternoon at around 1pm, the contours of my eyes were laser-shaped in that I would never need corrective vision EVAR. Well, until presbyopia sets in when I'm 40+ years old (or as my LASIK-bud I came in with and I call it, presbyterian).

It's 9:20 right now, approximately 8 hours after my surgery and I can see fairly well aside from a little milkiness in my closeup vision due to inflammation.

The surgery went pretty smoothly. I took the prescribed Valium 30 minutes ahead of time. I was never really too concerned about the whole thing until they moved me under the huge microscope/laser apparatus. Being awake and listening to the doctor barking out orders authoritatively to his nurses was a little nerveracking.

After my eyes were prepped with betadine and disinfected, he taped my eyelashes down. Hopefully he didn't pull out too many - my eyelash reservoir is sparse enough to begin with. He then put the clamp on my eyes to keep them open. I kept having the urge to blink.. I wonder what that looks like with the clamps on. The other eye was covered with a pirate patch. He touched my eyeball twice with these instruments, which was probably the most uncomfortable aspect of the procedure (aside from taking the tape off of my eyelashes). My only responsibility throughout the whole thing was to keep focused on the red light. This was difficult. I kept wanting to fall asleep, but in my blurry crazy vision while my eyeball was getting cut up, this was a challenge.. especially with my left eye which he worked on second. It felt like the light was drifting off to the left and I was worried that the side of my eyeball would be 'corrected' instead of the center. The second eye was more uncomfortable than the first. I discussed this with Mark who drove me to and from the doctor's office and who had the procedure done 2 years ago; he said he experienced the same thing. The nurses even warned him beforehand that it seems like the second eye hurts more.. and that its pretty much all in your head.

After the procedure, I walked over to the other room for the doctor to check his work. Everything was milky and blurry. My right eye, since it was done first, was slightly less milky. He came in and said I was an extremely cooperative patient and everything went smoothly. Whew. He was suprised at how quickly my right eye was recovering and mentioned he would give me a call later on today to check how I was doing. So for the past 8 hours I've been sleeping away with Valium in hand, wearing these space age goggles I'm supposed to keep on until my followup appt tomorrow morning and nightly for a week. About 4 hours after I got home, my eyes started tearing uncontrollably, like I had extremely dry eyes and allergies. That was probably the most miserable part and during it all, the UPS dude came by and dropped my golf clubs off (HOOORAY!!! Golf clubs!!) Anyway, I must've looked a mess with my eyes tearing and in my pajamas. He apologized for waking me up. heh heh.

Thank you to all my friends who called and checked to see how I was doing. I love you guys!!

I wonder if I look odd to China like this. I have a wierd craving for bacon and eggs.

I hate wearing my glasses. My eyes are still dilated. My uterus is falling out. I feel oily and yucky.. ugh! Yesterday in my half-blind state I left half my groceries at Safeway, so tonight I pick 'em up. I thought I was going crazy last night trying to find the udon noodles and cold cuts I had bought for lunch.

For work I have to do this company-wide presentation on the upgrades to a piece of software we use. Eeek. I know it's good for me.. "career growth" and all. Still nerve-wracking though.

For those of you that don't know, I'm getting LASIK on Friday. Today I had my eyes mega-dilated ("mega" because typically the dilation lasts up to 2 days instead of the typical 2 hours like normal). They gave me dorky shade inserts to place behind my glasses (which I've been wearing for a week). Dilating your eyes makes you half-blind also.. and I was very keen on riding today. So, after my appointment I went and rode Isabella for about 2 1/2 hours, squinting through the trails and mainly relying on her to guide the way. We only got lost once.

I've been spending WAY too much money lately. NOTE TO SELF-Must eat in more.

I feel hypnotized, I feel paralyzed
I have found Heaven

A brief conversation with Walter.

Julienne: you know
Julienne: when i have a baby, i'm gonna name her aria after my favorite porn star
Walt: in that case I'm naming mine traci
Julienne: kay

About a week ago, my computer at home started failing to boot up. I called Bob several times to see what I could do to troubleshoot it the best I could in my limited capability. We had been having several hot days in a row, and being that my bedroom resembles the climate of the Mojave when its over 80 degrees outside, I assumed it was because some component inside my box was fried. :( So, I called one of the computer repair places that advertized on craigslist to recieve a quote. This gruff-sounding man answered the phone who sounded like he should be wacking 4x4s on some construction site, not diagnosing hardware problems. After I gave him a quick synopsis of what was going on, he said it was most likely my motherboard that failed and that it would just be best to buy a whole new computer system "since the lifespan of computers these days are about 3 years". Uhh.. bullshit. I quickly got off the phone with him and called Bob to confirm the bullshit. He confirmed the bullshit and gave me another list of tasks to try and see what the problem was.

Welp, it turned out a few days ago I was trying to open a DVDr with my CDRom drive (don't ask, I'm not too bright in that capacity). I had left the DVDr inside, and so my computer was trying to boot off of this disk for the past week! yarg. So I managed to pull out the DVD and the computer booted up as normal.

I can't believe that guy tried to rip me out of $1500 without even looking at my computer. This makes me want to make a fist and shake it saying, "WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYY!?" and maybe then take that fist to that dude's jaw at high velocity. Dicko.