Oh god, this roX! End of the world..

Happy Halloween!

ooooOOooooooo........ Rain in the bay area.. hooray!



Tonight I shall revel in the night with friends. It's been a long time since I've really gone out to party. Part of me is excited.. it'll be good to see and talk to people I haven't seen in a while. Outside, I will smile and bask in the energy from the people around me happy and excited to be there. Inside, I will nurse and protect a tattered heart still consumed with broken dreams.

Sometimes I hate that I feel so deeply. Emotions such as love, devotion, trust, and deceit are not easily earned, but when they are, they course so fiercely through my veins that it brings tears to my eyes to recall them. I wonder if I'll ever get over this quality about me. I wonder this is wrong. I wonder if I should take drugs to buffer these feelings.

Zombie Alert - Home protection for sophisticated families.

I'm so excited about the new layout. I (heart) it so much!! This is truly a momentous occassion because I rarely if ever get the motivation to do anything where I have to learn something (down with learning!!)

It feels like it's officially autumn in the bay area. Last night the winds were absolutely crazy.. throwing trash and leaves all over the parking lot, leaving the morning very chilly. Rains are expected tomorrow evening.. which will be nice to see. I know a lot of people will be partying tomorrow evening, and I hope people remain sober and safe when driving home in the slippery roads.

I've decided to go off the medication. 1/2 a pill a day wasn't making that much of a difference, plus I felt it was "numbing" my emotions. I'm reading this amazing book, "Peace is Every Step. The Path of Mindfulness in Every Day Life" by a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who was nominated by Martin Luther King, Jr. for the Nobel Peace Prize for all of the work he's done for peace throughout the world. He talks of living each moment, being aware of each breath, and being content. It's beautifully written in a soft-spoken voice, but the message he brings to the reader is so powerful. Highly recommended..

New format! Hooray! Leave feedback.. positive and negative please.. if you find broken links, or if it doesn't appear right. If I like you, I'll fix it accordingly. :)

Love test

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love.

You chose the short road--you fall in love quickly and easily.

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return.

You give 100% and expect 0% in return.

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems.

You like to get the person yourself--you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like to see
your boy/girlfriend.

You want to place the roses on the bed--you like to see him/her a lot.

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality.

You prefer the person to be asleep--you love the person as the way s/he is.

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone.

You chose the longer road--you will tend to stay in love for a long time.

Ack!! I don't know why its taking so long for my webpage to load.. but I promise by the end of this week I'll have a new format that will hopefully load faster. I think somewhere in my programming the code is looping or something.. ugh.

Good news on the house front - Bob received a GREAT bid on the house yesterday. We were all pretty excited and I hope everything goes smoothly *sends good vibes*.

I'm feeling much better after riding yesterday although I think Isabella hates me. Because I'm not out there as often as I was when I was living in Walnut Creek, she doesn't get ridden as much and she's becomming a little spoiled and not as willing to work as she was before.

My hair is now a dark cherry red/black color. I dyed it last Saturday and I think I'm done with the colors for now.. My tongue ring is even gone - I'm turning into a square, eek!! Ah well, I'll always have my tatts and my belly button ring.

See China's costume!

You are Jack Skellington...the Pumpkin King. You
have a soulful side which you show to almost
nobody and constantly long for something other
than your mundane existence. You deeply crave
something which you feel your present situation
doesn't provide you, and so you are constantly
on the lookout for any new, exciting
opportunties that could brighten your life.
Occasionally oblivious to the feelings of
others, you are generally a decent person who
cares about doing the right thing.


What character from The Nightmare Before Christmas Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm feeling a little uneasy this morning. As if the flood gates are at maximum pressure and are about to burst at any moment. Compose yourself.

I've decided to stay on the Wellbutrin. Sometimes I think I don't need it.. but in these next few weeks, I don't think it would hurt to be on it. My sleeping patterns have become more normal. The medication doesn't necessarily make me "happy" per se.. but I think its been preventing me from those dips that occur when my mind wanders and I'm feeling vulnerable to external forces.

This past weekend was quiet, yet busy. I gave away my ottoman and bought an elliptical trainer. I started Karate classes with Merima, watched a lot of '24', hugged Isabella, and spent both days at the dog park with China. I feel bugged and a little irritated because I want to be alone and find that mindframe where I was before when I was at peace again. I feel as if I'm searching for peaceful solitude but I can't break free.

Tonight I ride. Afterwards I will go to the house where Bob and I once lived and sign papers accepting the bid on the house we received this past weekend. Once that is done, I will be free from financial ties and will be independent again. Hooray for that..

What the hell.. the guy that jumped off Niagara Falls is Ron Jeremy!!

What Irrational Number Are You?

You are π Of all the irrational numbers, you are the most famous. You have many friends and fans. Like many people, non-Euclidean geometry makes you feel uncomfortable. You are involved in so many things that it seems like it would take two of you to make ends meet. You are particularly close to the rational number 22/7. However, you and e have been called "remarkable." Your lucky number is approximately 3.14159265

Shiny Lemur Straif's Blog

I gave my journal website address to my therapist, so it is amusing to me that he reads my daily thoughts.

It must be tough to listen to people's problems everyday. Not only that, but maintain the mental acuity throughout the session to be able to offer helpful insights.. I find sometimes when my friends go on lengthy diatribes about some subject or another, my mind wanders and I suddenly blurt out a question that has nothing to do what they're talking about. I don't mean it to be rude. :)

So, I've been on Wellbutrin for a week. The prescribing information my doctor gave me was: once a day for 2 weeks, then twice a day. The first day I was on it, I woke up after that night after 5 hours of sleep, wide awake. That was a Sunday and it SUCKED ass because I thought I was entitled to sleeping in, but my body refused. I just don't have that many things to do to be waking up that early, damnit.

I went down to 1/2 a pill daily, and I still feel the side-effects that come with the medication. I had an upset stomach for the first few days, dry mouth, and I pee every 10 minutes! ARGH I've also woken up in the middle of the night and not been able to go back to sleep. I'm unsure whether or not to stick it out for a few more days, or quit the medication all together..

Moodwise, I've been pretty peaceful except for the flareup two nights ago. I'm self-assured and determined to be content and enjoy life.. even if that means being selfish and pulling myself away from negative influences.

I got to flip off Amit and Walt last night.. hooray!

I sliced the middle finger of my left hand this morning on a bottle of juice I was trying to open. It was a clean, deft cut, slicing through my skin about one inch from end to end. I was fascinated because it didn't hurt at all, probably because the glass was so sharp, and it didn't start gushing blood until about 15 seconds later.

The bandaid I was wearing on it started getting all skanky at work, so I was in the hallway rumaging through the First-Aid kit. Bing, a friendly older Chinese man came down the hallway and said to me, "Oh.. looking for sumting?" and I responded "Yeah, I need a new band-aid" and showed him my middle finger. This made me laugh, I haven't flipped off someone in a long time. Woohoo!

Does anyone watch '24'? I started watching the first season last week and I'm hooked! Tonight I shall watch Season One, Disc 3.. good times..

When I was in high school, I had 5 close girlfriends who I had known for 6+ years. We had similar up-bringings so we had a lot in common and got along quite well. Sometime during the middle of our senior year, 3 of the girls discovered "guys". More specificially these asian guys, total FOBs. They ditched the rest of the girls, started talking English with Korean accents (although they were born and raised here), and to this day, I've never spoken with them again.

It was the first time I was really betrayed by a group of friends. Friends who had been with each other through hard times and had been supportive to each other through strict parents, pressure to get good grades, crushes, etc.

Through the years, I never really had a group of friends that lasted for very long. Eventually our lives would go seperate ways, interests would change. Now once again, I have a group of friends. As with Travis, as with my previous friends, I have the potential to become too attached and rely on them.. which ultimately leads me to become disappointed.

In the end, it's myself, alone.. who will create my own peace.

It is a struggle. I felt wonderful yesterday until I came home. As the night progressed, I fought through feelings that came up that I was determined not to affect me negatively. By the end of the night and again this morning, I set back into the mind frame I've been trying to get away from. Feelings of betrayal and anger lead to the resurfacing of others.. sorrow, pain.. and as I fell asleep, I had tears in my eyes because I was disappointed in myself.

Another amusing occurance yesterday.

I was driving up Ashby towards 24 because I was on my way to the barn. In my truck, I'm munching on my banana and lost in thought. The sounds of traffic were broken up by a bunch of guys driving away on the opposite side of the street. I turn and they're hooting and hollering at me, yelling out their windows.. cuz of a friggin banana here, folks.

Ahh.. guys are so easily entertained.

I am peaceful and content this morning. Each day brings something new, and today I've resolved that in order to take care of myself fully, it will be from the inside out. All of the paths to my goals I had written out before were centered on my physical well being.. taking care of my body. However, I've been struggling with this new way of accepting and thinking about the external forces in my life. I would like to have guidance.. but I'm not really sure as to what degree. Books are a good beginning.. but it would be helpful if I had someone to talk to.. so I've been looking into different places around Berkeley (and there are plenty, suprise suprise!) that study Zen meditation and the way of the Tao.

Ack! I abhor just writing it.. just because putting a label on a way someone thinks implies some sort of "following" or "seeking" which is exactly what I want to stray away from. My memory of church and organized religion are primarily a negative non-thought in my life, although I believe in God and pray from time to time. I will view all of this as a learning experience.. visiting different Buddhist temples and learning what they have to say.. and if the vibe is too creepy, I'll try it on my own.

This morning I found myself pleased at my new train of thoughts.. Andrea, my barn friend had called and we were catching each other up on each others lives and doing the typical barn-gossip thing. I learned from her that Connie, a venomous woman, had been bad-mouthing me behind my back. I thought this humorous because last night I had spoken with her for several minutes about each others lives, and she had offered to lend me her bell boots because I was searching for my pair. Ordinarily this would've upset me and all sorts of vengeful thoughts would've riddled my brain.. the thought of confronting her about it passed my mind as well.

Hrm. Just now I struggled to put into words the processes that went along in my head that allowed me to make it a non-issue. I really can't. I just am.

I rode Isabella last night in the arena. With the coming darkness of the evenings, I can't retreat into the trails anymore, so I will be working with her, focusing on my riding and her own set of skills. I was trotting her around the arena, alone, in the dark.. and felt exhilerated. She had plenty of energy and was giving me a smart, exhuberant stride and with each step she took, I thought.. wow, this is one of the things in my life I am very good at. Yeah, this rocks.

And a funny little anecdote that made me laugh yesterday. For the first time, Isabella had polo wraps put on. When working in the arena, one focuses more on the horse's body placement, and sometimes a clumsy move on the horse's part results in leg injury. Polo wraps can help with the little bumps and bruises that come along with learning new lessons. Anyhow, they're white, fairly bright, and never having seen them before, Isabella was noticably spooked about the whole thing. I placed one on her leg and untied her to see how she'd react. She set back on the lead rope, feeling her legs were stuck, then did a little shimmy forward and hopped around a bit. I stood there laughing as she'd place her head down and tilt it sideways to look at this new contraption that was attached to her, then freak out all over again. She did this several times. Look. Freak out. Look. Freak out. She's friggin hilarious.

An interview with Quentin regarding the Japanese lore behind Kill Bill. (contains spoilers)

Which Dr. Seuss character are you?
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Last night I had an appointment with my therapist. Considering all of the events that happened in the last week, I figured it was in my best interest to go, although sometimes I feel it is a pain to truck all the way over to Lafayette. But as Mark would say, he is one of those people in my life that will keep me guided, pointed to the moon.

He was happy to see me progressing, and I see this happy enlightenment as a huge leap forward in becomming a better person for myself. I was feeling so light-hearted I was giggling in the truck to myself about humorous events that occured between friends earlier in the day. I'm sure I probably caught a few stares from passerbys in their vehicles.. and as my mind wandered, I thought to myself, shouldn't I be sad? Lonely? My old train of thought came to me as habit does.. and I thought to myself, just be. Enjoy that moment, because there is no benefit to worrysome thoughts.

There is no benefit to feeling bad about myself.

He told me it was okay to feel sad. If I wanted to grieve for my loss I should take time for myself and do so.

It all seems cliche, but when you take the time to pause and listen, you perceive advice in a different way. It's hard for me to explain, just as it is hard for me to explain the elimination of negative thinking in my mind. I feel as if I'm getting better at it, but it can be a struggle.

For example, this morning I woke from a troublesome dream. As I slept, thoughts of failure circulated in my head.. thoughts of disappointment, falling back, being weak. When my alarm finally went off I felt troubled those thoughts, and as I made my breakfast and fed China, I felt lonely.

I feel as if I'm not that strong yet. For some reason Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone comes to mind, "You are not strong enough, master!" with Voldemort talking out of that guy's head. haha.

Ahh, so many good quotes from this movie. Must watch it again..

"It's only when you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."
"I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may."

-Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Thanks to all of you who have commented or e-mailed with your concern. It warms my heart to know that even complete strangers have the capacity to show compassion when one grieves through hard times.

As I alluded to in my previous post, I wanted to take this experience in my life to make some big changes in my life. One of the sources of my misery has been quite simply, food and control. More specifically lack of. I guess I admitted this to myself a long time ago, so when I was faced with hard times and didn't know how to deal with the emotions, I would center it upon this behavior (ironically, because I didn't want to lose control in other aspects of my life). It saddens me that this was one of the reasons that we broke up, but when you are strong and self-assured, it is understandable that you want to surround yourself with the same kind of people. He had resolved a long time ago to focus his energies on only positives in his life.

It was one of the qualities that I admired so much in him initially, his independence and drive for what he wants to do most in life. I will always admire people who don't feel the need for someone in their life to feel whole. Who are complete and at peace right now, at this moment, not wanting, not hoping, not needing, not fearing. Mark and I discussed touched on these subjects on Friday night, and it took me a while, probably after that night, to understand what he was really saying to me. I look in the mirror now and think about how selfish I was to inflict such negativity upon my body when ultimately, it is all I have to take care of. It's what God gave me and it would be an insult to me, and all those people who care about me to keep continuing down the malicious path I was traveling.

There is no reason to cry from sorrow or loss anymore, and I occassionally shed tears when I am touched by the kindness my family and friends have shown me. I have never hated. Understanding our downfalls, I talked with Travis for a long time yesterday. I needed to feel the finality of closure of that time in our lives. We talked about the possibility of starting over anew, but without the foundation of trust which was lacking in our first relationship, there would be nothing to build a second one. Ultimately, we are two different people with very different definitions of what motivates and makes people happy in life, which was only revealed when the shroud of new love was lifted. We have resolved to stay in each other's lives as friends, and I truely hope that remains true.. because he is a fascinating, wonderful person. I enjoy talking with him, and feel he thinks the same for me.

I've set my mind to become confident and whole in my own skin. Freedom from longing for external sources of happiness will allow this time as well as the future to become much easier, although I do have to remind myself of this when my mind begins to wander towards sadness from time to time.

The next few months will be interesting, but instead of constantly looking forward or back, I look where I am right now and I am content.

They say healing and grieving for a loss in your life takes time. I felt functional yesterday. I went to work, went through the motions, and was able to tell my coworkers who had been concerned about me the previous day.. when everything was so raw and new.. I couldn't even look them in the eye without beginning to tear up and cry.

Last night I even laughed. I laughed with Merima.. she was kind enough to cook me dinner and buy me flowers. I wrote a list. I wrote a list of the goals I wanted to achieve to feel confident and rid myself of the low self-esteem which has led me no where. I've resolved myself to become a better person throughout this experience. The days/nights of crying are over and I am starting anew. No more self-harming habits. I want to be independent and happy once again.

The promise of a new love is in Merima's life. I'm overjoyed for her because she deserves someone special and incredible to her. I love to hear the excitement in her voice when she talks about her guy. But my gut wrenches and twists.. and I hurt inside, reminding me that I once felt that way too recently.

I feel scared. It's my first weekend by myself and most of my friends are out of town. Tonight Mark has invited me to have dinner and watch a movie somewhere on campus.. and since I haven't hung out with my brother in months, it'll be wonderful to see him again. But what about this weekend? Days are easy, I will ride, I will hike with China. But in the evenings I worry my thoughts will stray and become sorrowful.

I've asked my doctor to prescribe me medication to help me through these next few months. I know I can't be perfect through the path to my goals, and I don't want a few slipups to discourage me and set me back more than it should. Medication will also help with the habits I have that are unhealthy and only a false way of coping with stress in my life. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I need help in respect to this manner, but I want to change. I feel as if I am a good person, I am worth it, and I can be even better.

I cried for 24 hours straight, with intermittant downpours afterwards, and still, even now, the realization of lonliness makes me begin to tear up again. I grieve for my loss. What does one do when the love and comfort in their lives, the one that looked at them once with such admiration and affection, decide they don't posess those feelings anymore.

No reasons were given other than that my low self-esteem and self-depricating habits were unattractive. Differences he thought we couldn't get past.

I don't hate him. I don't wish harm upon him. Instead I grieve and express my sorrow and confusion to friends and family who are kind enough to bear my pain with me. They try to comfort and console, but even they can't completely heal the wounds I feel.. my innards have been ripped out raw and my skin has been slowly peeled off. Leaving me barren and exposed, bleeding, help.

I breathe. I inhale, my life and the promise from the people around me that I will be whole again one day. I exhale, but I can't seem to expulse the blackness, the pain that remains.

And just like that, he was gone.

Finally back and I'm feeling the return-to-work blues. Actually I'm feeling a little discouraged about the whole job situation, but that's another story.

Travis and I got back on Saturday night from our mini-vacation. We took quite a few pictures and I need to find a good photo album program to post them all. China had an awesome time. I can't wait until I live in a house with a yard for her to run around like she should be able to.

Thursday morning we packed up the truck and traveled down highway 1 down to our campsite. The weather couldn't have been better for our stay.. it was very warm during the days, and mild temperatures throughout the night.

Our campsite was located in a grove of tall redwood trees, shading us from the sun and heat. We were pretty secluded from the rest of the 50+ other sites on the campground, but that meant we were at least a 10 minute walk to the bathroom/showers. So we designated a nearby tree as the 'peetree' and used that the whole weekend.

I'm not quite sure why, but our neighbors were all homosexuals. The first night we had our lesbian neighbors across the way.. and the second night there were fat gay guys. Wierd.

On Friday morning, we ventured to the Big Sur information station to see where we could get beach access. Alas, the path to the beach was a mere 1/2 mile from our campground! It was beautiful.. and as soon as we hit the sand, China went crazy, running her little heart out in the sand and waves. She loved it and her exuberance was caught by the other people on the beach.. they all laughed at her as she ran around, being a spazzy maniac.

The winds were incredible on the sand. This place was not meant for the casual beach goer.. as we made our way along the beach, we found a little trail that lead to a shady cove. There, we found a little respite from the torrential winds.. and even found a little trail to explore. The trail was steep and China 4-wheel drived it up like it was nothing.. however, I was a little more challenged and we finally decided to turn around and head back after the trail because impassable (and after China almost took Travis and I out bowling-pin style after tearing up through the trail then tearing down at high, uncontrollable speed into my legs - GAH!).

Afterwards, we took lunch at a small creekside restaurant along the side of the road. We explored the little shops along the highway and played with China for a while in the freshwater creek, watching her wuss out on retrieving sticks that were thrown into deeper waters (some water dog!). This is the one spot where I didn't have my camera where I should've.. the creek was beautiful, with moss-covered rocks, clear water, and rich green vegetation lining the shores.

That evening, our second night at the campsite, a group of teenage surfers decided to camp across the way from us. They entered the campgrounds at midnight, blaring 'Cocomo' from their cars, laughing and talking loudly.. totally RUDE!! After a few hours of this and realizing that Travis wasn't going to do anything, I went outside our tent and yelled, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP YOU CUNTS!!"

Okay, I said it a little nicer than that.. but it didn't help anyhow as the drunken loud orgy continued into the night.

After a restless sleep, Travis decided he had enough of the 'outdoor-livin' so we made our way back up the coast to Santa Cruz. We stopped by the beach for a few, decided the beach smelled severely like ass, and decided to return home a day early to sleep in the comfort of a cozy mattress and dirt/dust-free bedsheets.

The next day, we 'recuperated' from our vacation, with Travis making great progress with Lara Croft and me dinking around the apartment doing nothing.

Go see 'Kill Bill v1' if its the last thing you before you die. You will not be disappointed!

I encourage you all to report your spam. Ocassionally, in the spam report generator form, it'll say, Yum! This spam is fresh! This amuses me to no end.

So, I voted. On my way to see Isabella last night I passed by Malcolm X school's auditorium and a few parking spaces, so I voted. It took me about 30 minutes and I realized how crusty all of my neighbors are. Really. They're gross.

I view the outcome of this past election with mixed feelings. A huge amount of dread overcame me when I heard that Arny won. There is hope however.. the majority of California legislature is democratic, so anything radically Republican that Arny wants will be a fight. Which makes change even less likely to happen. I forsee the next year and a half as a stagnant government.

And a small teeny bit of me rejoices because now we get to hear him talk more, "I AM DUH PEEPUHL'S GOBANAH!" Hooray!

This morning I went outside with China for her to do her duty. I noticed a fresh piece of crap on the ground, which I really paid no heed to it other than grumbling to myself that people need to pick up after their dogs. China was investigating the little alley, looking for the perfect place to dump her loaf, when she noticed this fresh poo. Instead of sniffing at it and moving on, you KNOW WHAT SHE DID??!?!?!!? Yup, you guessed it.. she *carefully* took a taste of it. So delicately.. like it was a piece of caviar. There were chunks in it. Ugh. I'm going to make myself vomit if I write about it anymore. I yelled bloody mary and took her somewhere else to poo.

So the next few days I shall be out in the Ventana Wilderness, with no electronic means of communication (except for my cell phone which I doubt will work). I'm planning on keeping a written journal which I'll transcribe when I get back (yeah, along with the Folsom Street Fair and Berkeley Marina pictures, heh heh). I'll bring along 3 cameras to take pictures of everything you never wanted to see.. woohoo! I'm so excited!! Vacation!

Not much new to write about today.. I was busy all morning and I should probably get my gels cast to run this afternoon. In the meantime, check out this site. Police auctions.. looks like you can get a pretty good deal on a bike if you don't mind paying for shipping!

I went to Andronico's for lunch on the way back from the post office and had me a yummy sandwich! Let me tell you guys about this sandwich.. roast beef, seeded roll. Now the best part was the garlic mayo.. yum. In combination with the onions, my breath should be mighty lethal this afternoon.. HOORAY!!

I'm debating whether I want to go and vote or not. I think American society puts an incredible amount of guilt on my generation if we don't, and gosh darnit, I want to protest that! It's my right not to vote! I have the freedom to choose! Heck, the only reason why I choose to vote is because then I can complain with the authority that I didn't choose whoever is in office.. and ya know, I don't really complain about politics anyway. At this point I think politicians are puppets for big name corporations, no matter who is running.. so jaded, I am.

Acutally, I've always been one of the ones advocating voting and getting your opinion heard. But we'll see. It all depends on if I can find a parking space, and in Berkeley, that is no small feat.

I <3 chaaaaaaaaaaavvveeeeeeesssssseeeeeeeeeeee!!

My outercourse activity is french kissing!


Which Sexual Outercourse Act Are You? (with pictures)
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I'm very tired this morning... must've been from sleeping in both Saturday and Sundays. Ah well, my fellow biznatchios, on Wednesday I shall be off to the Ventana Wilderness and sleeping in to my heart's content for the next 4 days. I shall eat roasted marshmellows and Travis and I have vowed to only bring food that will make us fart a lot because there is nothing more satisfying than letting loose in a silent peaceful forest.

I shall bring books, a journal, a deck of cards, and lots of games to keep us busy.. today I need to stop by Good Guy's and pick up a bigger memory stick for my digital camera, which now inhabits a paltry 8 megs (they don't even sell those anymore!). I'm excited! WHEEE! Somewhere along the line, picking up a map to the general area would probably be a good idea as well..

Saturday night, Walt invited Travis and I over to watch Aliens over at his place on his new surround sound system. I had never stayed awake during this movie, but with the awesome sound effects which ROCKED, I was able to stay awake and enjoy the movie.

On Sunday, Travis and I took China to the Berkeley Marina to attempt to fly my "sport, stunt kite". The key word here is *attempted*. I don't think we got that kite more than 10 feet off the ground.. it is too complicated for us simple folk. However, we were able to enjoy a nice day out in the sun and a few nice photos..



I realize I have two more albums to put up now: the Folsom Street fair and the pictures from yesterday, but I've been too lazy. In times like this I wish I had a laptop to bring camping so I can catch up on this kind of stuff. I think I'm going to revamp the site as well to make it faster loading and less-cluttered.

Later in the evening, we all got buzzed and watched School of Rock. Good times.

What STD are you?
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<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
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congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.


which happy bunny are you?
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Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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Hooray for Friday..

I'm staring at this blank white box, knowing what I want to write in my head, but unable to decipher it into words.

First off, I had a yummy too-expensive dinner last night with friends. Walt, Amit, Merima and I went to California sushi and pigged out.. I had the spicey tuna roll (which rocks at this place) and Dr. Choi's roll (which is a mixture of white and red tuna with fresh garlic, mmm). Afterwards we went to have too-expensive gelato and made fun of the guy that works there and gossiped about other people. Walt and Amit are totally funny when they tell stories.. ok, they're straight, but they're such good friends that they argue and interupt each other when one is recounting an anecdote.. and I'm sure Merima and I do that as well. I wasn't feeling too well last night because I've been extremely snotty recently, perhaps coming down with something.. so we went home soon after and I passed out.

Before dinner, I spoke to Miho, who I haven't really talked to in ages. She's my best bud from high school... and really the only one I keep in touch with. In our "core" girly group, there were 6 of us. Caren, Miho, Grace, Yula, Joanne, and me. Grace and Yula are now married, and Caren and Miho are in relationships. Miho was telling me about the guy who she's been seeing now for about a year.. how she's turning 27 soon and wants to get married. She states that she is giving each guy a year before giving him the boot.

One year. Personally, I wouldn't be able to give myself a timeline. Maybe I'm not that strong. I know her drive to have kids is a lot stronger than mine.. Hell, I was with Bob for 4 years until we broke up.. and we weren't married. What if I did get married to him, had kids, then realized the relationship was not meant to be? I can't imagine.

Subject change. At the seminar I attended Tuesday morning, we were asked the question, "How do you deal with stress?" It was an easy question for me to answer. I think of the worst possible case scenario, and try to cope with that.. and perhaps realize its not so bad. Maybe its because I've been through a "worst case scenario" with my family that I think this way, I'm not sure. But I'm realizing that I can't think this way anymore because I can't deal with the consequences. With eating and my self-image, I think worst case scenario, and its manifesting itself in a detrimental way to my health. In my relationship with Travis, I think worst case scenario, and its causing unnecessary stress between us. So I'm trying to recall other people's responses to the question.. older people in the company who shared their thoughts to the group. "Think of past similar experiences." "Exercise." "Take breaks to settle your mind."

I think I think too much.

When I'm rich, I'm going to buy a mirrored toilet so I can watch poop fall out of my ass.

Hey everyone!

If you're getting a bunch of spam.. don't just delete them, sign up for spamcop. This way, you forward all your spammage to a designated e-mail (given to you once you sign up), and this service sends out all sorts of nasty e-mails to their isp complaining of spam abuse. My hosting company told me of the site and I've been forwarding my spam ever since! WOohoo, I sound like an infomercial.. but it's cool to actually do something with all that spam crap instead of just deleting it. I just save the designated email in my address book under 'spam' and forward spammage to it.

My hair is dark blue once again.

Travis and I had an interesting conversation last night. We were chatting before bed and I asked him what he'd do if he had a small penis (as per our usual before-bed talk). His immediate response was that he'd kill himself.. then we were talking about doing small people.. like gymnasts and petite little asian girls. We discussed locking yourself up at home with a vast collection of porn.. or getting very very rich so a small penis wouldn't matter.. but ultimately, we decided the appropriate response to that question was: I'd hump kids. So very.. very wrong..

It's Wednesday! You know what that means? It means tomorrow it's Thursday and it'll be almost the weekend! Hooray! So happy Wednesday everyone!

Yesterday I was out of the office attending a seminar given by work by this company. It was given at the World Trade Center in San Francisco, right next to the Ferry marina and the Embarcadero. Afterwards, my coworkers and I walked around the ferry building and looked at all the little shops open. It was very cool.. everything was provincial with a small country town atmosphere, with little cheese shops, meat shops, bread shops, etc. On Sunday mornings they have a huge farmer's market and I want to go back this weekend for it. It's so easy too.. just take the BART to the Embarcadero center. I think it'd be nice to wake up early and walk along the pier, eat breakfast, and taste all the little samples from the different booths.

I have my period everyone, hooray! Hooray for my period! Not that it was in jeopardy.. I just felt like celebrating it because it sucks.

Rode almost two hours yesterday and I'm sore.. my crotchal area is in need of dire repair. Good thing its insured.

Ok done.