My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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A small taste of pictures to come.



This picture turned out way better than expected. I didn't want to be bending over, taking pictures of this guy's ass, so I took my digital camera and slyly shot this photo, not knowing if it was focused or centered.. the lighting turned out to be perfect, capturing the contours of this dude's behind in a delightfully asthetically pleasing way!

This Monday morning I am at work, well rested and content. I had a wonderful weekend with Travis and China, beginning Friday night at the House of Prime Rib in the city. Unfortunatly China wasn't able to go.. but Travis and I had a nice dinner eating lots of MEAT! Earlier that week I was part of a focus group and I made $100. I felt a little guilty because I was subjecting my Montana country boy to meal after meal of sushi, Chinese, and Indian foods.. which he's unaccostomed to having. So I treated him to a night out in the city to eat cow.

We drove around Chinatown and North Beach for a while, half-heartedly looking for parking in my bohemoth truck, then gave up and headed home to veg out. I think we fell asleep around 11pm. When I woke up that night, my head was on the opposite side of the bed and I was sleeping at Travis's feet.. lovely!

We were old people again that morning, waking up at the ungodly weekend hour of 9am. Travis made us a yummy breakfast and we ran a few errands during the day and had an uneventful chillout evening for the rest of the night, again falling asleep around midnight.

The next day, Merima arrived back in town and we all headed over to the Folsom Street Fair. It was not much different from last year and about 30 minutes into it, I had enough of leather and penis. The fair was way too crowded and I don't think it was as good as last year. However, I did manage to take a few pictures which I'll try and post this evening.

Life is settling down into a comfortable pace.. I have a therapist appointment tonight which I don't want to go to. Blech.

Gross.

A happy birthday to Mom! (and Andy)



Yay, to everyone else out there, HAPPY FRIDAY!

Stolen quiz! ... because I finally have time to sit down and relax at work..

FIRSTS
First best friend: Jennifer, a girl from Thailand I met in kindergarden
First real memory of something: riding the pony for pictures in kindergarden
First date: I think his name was Jim. In kindergarden we would walk around the playground with Lizette between us, pretending we were married.
First real kiss: Brian, first boyfriend
First break-up: Brian, see above
First job: receptionist at a dog grooming place, it sucked ass
First screen name: Vamp (cheesy! oh gawd!)
First self purchased album: probably a Madonna CD
First funeral: I've never been to one
First pets: Mickey, a yorkshire terrier I remember chasing down the street many many times when he'd get loose
First piercing/tattoo: ears in elementary school, dolphin/whale tattoo on my hip when I turned 16
First credit card: Mastercard?
First true love: Mickey, see above
First enemy: Craig Handzlik. He was our neighbor growing up and our whole families would war across property lines
First big trip: Korea
First play/musical/performance: Duran Duran was my first concert
First musician you remember hearing in your house: probably me

LASTS
Last big car ride: drove to LA a few weeks ago
Last big bus ride: busses suck
Last kiss: was kissed by Travis this morning
Last good cry: last month, PMS'in
Last library book checked out: probably some horse book
Last movie seen: Underworld
Last beverage drank: Sobe green tea
Last food consumed: peanut butter cookie
Last crush: hot rocker dude. DUUUUUUDE pass the dooooob.
Last phone call: Andrea, to take care of my wounded horse
Last TV show watched: news, every morning
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: my Harley boots
Last cd played: Evanescense
Last item bought: bunch of Trader Joe's groceries last night
Last annoyance: long boring meeting, too hot and sleepy
Last disappointment: arriving at the barn last night and seeing Isabella injured
Last soda drank: diet coke
Last ice cream eaten: green tea gelato from Trader Joe's (It's fucking good)
Last time wanting to die: passing a steaming loaf this morning
Last shirt worn: brown off the shoulder top
Last website visited: blogger, or email

I think I shall change the color of my page to.. DUHN DUHN DUhnnnn... purple! Or plum.. or some variation of those colors. I'm sick of green.

Woohoo! That'll be my project tonight before peeps come ovah.

The following fortune appeared apropos in my Trader Joe's bento box: 'Travel with a light heart and happy expectations.' Yeee! Can't wait for the camping trip..

I had so many dreams last night. All of them disturbing and strange..

The first one wasn't so bad. Some guy told a joke (which wouldn't even be remotely funny in the real world) and I laughed my ass off. I woke myself up giggling and thinking it was the funniest thing.. reminding myself of the joke over and over so I could remember it and tell Travis in the morning. But it was really lame.

Second dream was filled with blood and guts. I don't have dreams like this.. usually the gore and grossness are reserved for Merima's nightmares. However, everyone in this dream was covered or splattered in blood. I was in this town where there were none or very few men.. just women who had blood stained shirts. I remember sitting with several women when a stray bullet hit one of the women I was talking with and blew her head off. It was disturbing when I think of it now.. but I just remember feeling so sad for these people.. that their lives were so torn.

The final dream I remember was filled with emotion as well.. but this one was filled with feelings of rage and jealousy. Travis and I were sitting down at this party, chatting with a few folks. There was a really cute petite brunette who Travis was talking with and I wanted to kill her. I wanted to carve out her eyeballs and kick her in the head. Normally I'm not really a jealous person.. so I think its odd that I had this dream.

On a non-dream side note, I took out my tongue ring yesterday. My tongue feels odd.. but I figure I had my stint in the pierced tongue world.. over a year with that stud. Recently, I'd bite down on it HARD whenever I was eating and I was getting more and more afraid I'd crack a tooth on it. So bye-bye tongue ring.. good times, good times.

Must write quickly, I have a ton of work this morning..

Last night I ordered spicy chicken wings and garlic sausage pizza from this little pizza place called "Pizza Love" in Berkeley. I've eaten there before out of necessity - it's a dinky little hole in the wall pizza parlor on Shattuck and Ashby. The pizza is simple and ghetto.. but there's just something about the handmade pizza dough that makes me <3 it! Delivery took almost an hour, but the pizza was worth it.. so garlicky.. Mmmm.. I knew I was in trouble a few hours later when Travis got home and my stomach was wreaking havoc from the garlicky goodness. Nonetheless, I couldn't help myself to a few bites of re-heated pizza slices from his dinner. My stomach was not happy with me all last night or this morning.. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT AND I'D DO IT AGAIN! :)

Also, last night right before bed I walked China outside. She wandered over to the lawn next door and it was pretty dark outside so I couldn't see much. I saw a silhouette of what looked like a voodoo doll propped up on a stick. I couldn't see it clearly because it was about 20 feet away, but I saw China sniff at it and cower a bit like she was afraid.. so I freaked out and ran inside. This morning on our walk I saw it more clearly. A stuffed blue octopus. Just as freaky, but at least no evil black magic associated with it..

Finally.. a vacation on the horizon. October 9th through 12th, I'll be on my way to the Ventana Campgrounds with Travis and China in tow. The campgrounds have 3 bathhouses so it won't be too rustic.. the main plus is the little creek that runs through the campground. Hopefully it won't be dry when we arrive. Temperatures are expected to be mild, so we won't have to freeze our asses off too badly. Lots of meat will be eaten along with roasted marshmellows.. mmmm..

The fog rolled in last night so the weather today is much more amicable to my senses. I love overcast skies like this.. my allergies are calm.

I bought this massage oil from Glen Ivy spa when I visited with Mom earlier this year. The cap flew off sometime in the past few weeks and oil spilled all over the drawer that keeps all of my bras. It is absolutely soaked, but I had no idea to what extent it was until this morning when I got to work. The oil from one of my bras soaked right through to my shirt. Lovely. So my right boob is completely oily.

Last night I dreampt that my Halloween wardrobe was so extensive I couldn't choose which one I'd wear for the big day. Bizarre.

Auuugh! This heat will be the death of me.

With September comes these ghastly heat waves that knock the crap out of me. In combination with Hell Week last week, the 90s temperatures in Berkeley left me wiped out for the weekend and I didn't want to do very much.

Friday evening Walt, Merima, Travis, and I went to eat Chinese and to see Underworld. Food good, movie bad.

I was extremely irritated throughout the movie at people talking. If I had the ability to spit daggers, several people around me would've been had their throats slit open and bleeding. Okay, so the movie sucked.. Travis fell asleep.. but for the most part, people were quiet and watching (maybe they were asleep too).

After the movie, I wanted to be alone. Sometimes I know that I can be extremely mean without realizing it if I'm in a bad mood. Lizette has fallen victim to this which I am truely apologetic for... and in the depths of my heart I really don't mean to be rude, but as a fault of mine, I'm now recognizing this so I am now trying to retreat and chill out before I do or say something I regret. It's somewhat amazing to me that Travis recognizes this and calls me on it without getting defensive himself which would come natural to someone who wasn't secure in himself. In previous relationships I would feel even more isolated because I felt the person I was with just couldn't understand and would take my actions of retreat, personally.

Unfortunately the next day my irritation and annoyance at people persisted. However, a highlight of weekend was hearing Travis and his band practice a few songs.. it was the first time I heard him sing! Hot metal rocker singer.. WOOHOO!! I had to resist the urge to throw my undergarments at him. One of his bandmembers looks like this guy from 'A Mighty Wind' (the one on the left). He's the bass player in Travis's band and he is bald and has a chin tuft of hair thing going on.



Sunday we escaped to the city around Union Square to do a little shopping.. but it was hot in the city as well and the whole place smelled like butt. Ranky hot butt, might I add.

This past weekend was a test for me.. for the past 2-3 months, the weekend before I start my period has been wraught with angst and despair. Usually one of the two days I break down crying.. sobbing so hopelessly that nothing seems to make life better. This was really making me worry about my sanity so I decided to finally do something about it and switch birth control. Ortho Evra (the patch) seems to improve the depression/despair quite a bit.. instead replacing it with annoyance and irritation. I'd rather take the latter than the former. :)

I've rid myself of the responsibility! That'll go to show you can't use me. Just sent off this e-mail.

Hey (Frank),
I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable having Diana's money. Honestly I'm not involved in this transaction so I feel like you should pick up the money and give it to her personally. I'm not quite sure how I got the responsibility of this.. and so I think you should pick up the money and give it to her. After work today I'll leave it (location censored) so you can pick it up and give it to her.

Sorry, I am just uncomfortable being put into this situation when I'm not even going on the camping trip. I just don't want to be responsible (ie losing the money) when I'm not even involved.

Julienne

BITCH!

May Day 5 of hell week commence!

Today will suck at work, just as the rest of this week has. I will spend most of it downstairs with Isa at least so we can gossip and chat while we work, saying stuff that ensures our entrance into the fiery depths of hell. She totally cracks me up.. yesterday she came up to me and said, "You know Julienne, if we were an old married couple, we'd be the type that finishes each others sentences and dresses the same." He he! I'm very lucky to have a good friend like that at work. She's brutally honest with me and I know she cares only for my best interest, so I take her opinion seriously whenever I have problems.

It's interesting the way we get along so well although our lives are so different. She's been married for 10 years with a 3 year old child. Sometimes I think of Amit, Raj, and Walt, who are all in their thirties.. but my guy friends and I get along so well and I enjoy spending time with them.. then my closest girl friends, Laquel and Merima are both young-uns. Then there's me, smack dab in the middle.

Argh, I must get this off my chest. I don't appreciate being used by people I barely know. There's this guy, lets call him Frank.. and I would consider him barely an aquaintence. He was invited to a camping trip which I was invited to as well along with a bunch of other people. I decided not to go because Travis couldn't get the day off and Merima gets sick in altitude. Diana is coordinating this camping trip and needs money from everyone to reimburse her for the camp sites. Instead of giving the money to her personally, Frank decides to give the money to me. Why?? Who the fuck knows. I tell him that I'm not sure when I'm going to see Diana next. Could be several weeks, and even then, I'm not going to remember to give her money. It's NOT MY JOB! I'm not even fucking involved. Geezus, he could've put just as much effort into getting a money order and mailing it to her. Why has God put forth such stupidity on the earth? I just don't understand..

Despite all this, he isn't fazed. He drops the check off at my place and now I'm stuck with his lousy money for this trip that I'm not even associated with.

I despise being used and I don't appreciate it when lazy people use me for their advantage.

Bad timing as well. Hell week at work makes me not want to do anything besides go home to see China or Isabella and hang out with Merima and Travis.. my sources of decompression. Usually busy weeks go by quickly, but these past few days have lingered on excuciatingly slow..

I was reminded today how people you see everyday at work, in a scientific setting, talking scientific talk, each have their own amazing lives and struggles outside of work. A coworker and I were talking today about her 2nd childbirth. She is in her late 30s and her husband and her went through in vitro fertilization to have their second girl. The stories she told about her trials throughout her pregnancy throughout the past year were amazing. From fearing Downs syndrome, getting pregnant in the first place, to worrying about abnormal delayed development. Before today, I never really spoke with her much, just said our casual greetings in the hallway. I knew she was a very intelligent woman.. but her life story is even more remarkable.

There is another guy in the same department.. a Chinese man in his upper 40s. He is very intelligent, getting his medical degree from China.. and a few years ago, his wife passed away from cancer. However, he looks like an arrogant gambler who smokes cigarettes and cigars..

It made me think how looks can be so deceiving.. and how every person you see, even that stranger out on the street, has their own amazing life story to tell.

From Tina Kim's website.. a Korean comidienne!

Aphrodite/Eros


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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The crazy week continues.

The worst part about it all is that I have to get all my information from my friend Isa at work. Now, getting trained by a friend is great.. she's on my side and wants everything clear and wants me to do well. However, when I have questions, I have to bug her.. and since she's helping out another group as well, she's extremely busy also. I feel bad when I don't get something and have to ask her a million times for help.. I mean, if it were someone I didn't like, I would have no qualms about getting them all irritated with questions. Fortunately I don't think it's affected our friendship, although if it were me, I'd find me very annoying.

I'm having second thoughts now about competing next month. I don't think Isabella is ready and by that time she'll be getting her winter coat in, which puts an additional worry of her getting overheated, in addition to possibly not being in shape. Bah, I don't want to get weighed either. I refuse to get weighed at the doctor and I don't do it at home anymore.. it's a defensive mechanism against myself because I know I'll probably get upset and go into unhealthy habits in self-destructive/hatred. Ignorance is bliss.

So I'm thinking maybe a little camping trip instead would be more peaceful with Travis. A hotsprings where we can take China and go swimming and relax. I think that would do just fine.

New day! I've been going non-stop since this morning and finally have a moment to take lunch and a breather. I have to finish up a few things at my desk then gown up again and return to work in a few moments. I think I'll be able to get everything done fairly early.. so I'll be able to make my way to the sporting goods store to buy laces to fit my rollerskates, yay!

When so many things are going on at work that I'm not 100% competant at, my mind runs a mile a minutes, constantly thinking 2 steps ahead at what I need to do. It's tough not to bring that home from work.. when I first started in this new group, I would be thinking about dosing, drug concentrations and IV injections constantly in my mind.. so much so I would have dreams about them and be thinking of them when I didn't realize I was thinking. I'm beginning to learn to seperate this subconscious level obsessive thinking now, and this past weekend I was able to enjoy it instead of dreading the upcoming week.

So many things I want to do though..
Saturday: Travis's friend's BBQ, then Jen/Bev/Krissy's birthday party
Sunday: Polk Street Fair in SF
9/28: Folsom Street Fair
10/5: Castro Street Fair
10/11-12: I've decided to compete at the NATRC benefit ride at Joseph Grant park
10/26: Making Strides Breast cancer Walk. If you'd like to donate, contact me please (julienne@insidehermind.com). It's my one charitable contribution per year!

Last night China and I came in from our evening walk and Travis was sitting on the couch. I'd always raved about how good China's dog biscuits are. The ones from Trader Joe's smell soooo yummy! Seriously. If I pretend to chew and maw on anything, China thinks its edible and immediately puts it in her mouth and swallows it whole (which made giving her antibiotics very easy). Anyhow, I took a little bite off of the edge, and handed it to Travis commenting, "Taste it, it's so good!" My eyes widened as I saw him put almost half of the biscuit in his mouth and chewed.. he saw the expression on my face and said, "Did you just give me a dog biscuit?" ha ha! Good thing they're yummy.

Must punch out this entry quickly before the day begins! Busybusy.. thus begins my WOH (week of hell). Starting two new experiments with twice a day dosing. This will suckass!

I had a wonderful quiet weekend with Travis and Merima. Friday night started and we joined Walt over at Thallassa to play some pool. At around midnight we still hadn't received our table yet, so we ambled over drunkenly (at least I was) to Mel's for some late night grubbing. Travis discovered they made gravy fries.. and his Montana palate was quite happy for the rest of the evening. I chatted with Walt briefly the next day and he commented that I turned into this horny toad with Travis that night.. pretty amusing!

The next day Travis had band practice and I ran errands with China. She got her clean bill of health from the veterinarian and we spent 2 hours powerwalking in the heat at Pt. Isabel. Every so often she'd disappear and I'd wander over to the rocky edges of the trail to see her cooling off by wading in the ocean water, starting up at me expectantly. She likes me to throw rocks at her to so she can investigate the splash site. We must look quite odd, a gal throwing rocks down at the water at her dog.

That was a good source of exercise, albeit very hot even considering we were right on the bay. When we arrived home, temperatures were hitting the 90s in Berkeley, so I closed off all the drapes, turned on all the fans, and made a cool little micro-environment for us. For the next 3-4 hours, we rested and watched The Titanic. Can you believe that movie came out 6 years ago?

That evening, Travis came home and Merima joined us in watching The Two Towers and eating really horrible junk food from Walgreens. For future reference, Funitos don't taste like Doritos. Walgreen's assortment of junk food sucks ass!

On Sunday, Travis and I traveled to San Mateo where he bought this car. I would highly recommend this dealership.. all the guys were incredibly nice to him, being a first time car buyer. The car was pristine and looked and drove brand new. He got a really great deal on it. Vrrooooooooooooom!

That evening, we discovered another little awesome sushi place. Two big meals for under $14! It was a little dive of a place on Shattuck.. yumyum. Afterwards, we saw Capturing the Friedmans which I fell asleep in halfway through the movie. The concept of the movie was interesting, but it was like a 90 minute news story on TV.. just really dry. Travis lasted about 2/3rds of the way through then conked out himself. At one point he snored really loud and distracted the rest of the movie audience. Thankfully there were only 5 others. haha

Anyhoo, like I said, this is hell week. It's going to suck. I have to go to my therapist tonight and I don't want to go anymore. Then up to Isabella.. where I'll try to powerwalk with her around the neighborhood.

Ahhh.. I feel like this entry was really boring and unclever.. ah well.

Dear John.. er, Jack,

I met you early in my junior high school years. One day you just appeared in my life. I was entranced by you.. your goofy nature, your silly sense of humor, your tight pants. You seemed to have it all with the ladies. My mother didn't approve of your lifestyle. She was opposed to me hanging out with you because she thought you'd be a bad influence on me. But, we perservered. If we were to spend time together, it would be in stealth.. which was made easy because my parents often spent weekend evenings out at their parties and get togethers with friends. Luckily you were easily accessible.

As the months and years passed, I grew up and so did you. Roommates and landlords came and went, but your true friends stayed by your side just as mine did. You had to live your life in deceit which led to some sticky situations.. but managed to scrape by with each incident. Although I would see these situations coming a mile away and shake my head, tsk-tsking to myself, I stuck by your side like any good friend should.

I knew you wanted to bang your roommates, as any horny guy should. Remember that hot blonde nurse? She wanted you, despite her hard-to-get attitude.. you coulda had her. And the brunette? Big lezzie.

You had your wingman, your compadre, your guy bud by your side. He was a smarmy dude, but a goofball as well. I remember seeing you guys at the local bar.. Regal Tavern? Golden Beagle? Something like that.. you'd always have a good time drinking and hitting on the waitresses there. Food looked pretty good there and I always wanted to sample whatever you were eating.

Then later on in life, you opened up your own bistro. I was so happy for you!! Despite growing up and assuming more responsibility, you'd still get into trouble. Your exploits in the kitchen always kept me giggling.. but your culinary creations seemed yummy and I'm sorry I didn't get to sample that as well.

This morning I learned you had passed away. You were too young. As time passed, I didn't see you as much, maybe occassionally in the wee hours of the morning would I happenchance to see you again. They say it was heart troubles. As silly as it is, I will miss you. You were a part of my childhood and will be in my memory.

Rest in peace.

ESFJ - "Seller". Most sociable of all types. Nurturer of harmony. Outstanding host or hostesses. 13% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Hooray it's Thursday! Which means tomorrow is Friday! Wheeeee..

It's friggin hawt here. The next few days the temperature is expected to rise into the upper 90s which means it'll be in the upper 80s in Berkeley. Upper 80s is barely tolerable for me.. and I'm dreading having to see Isabella this weekend because that will mean I have to venture into the heat in Walnut Creek.

I think I'm going insane sitting on my ass most of the day then planting myself on the couch to watch marathon TV. I need some sort of fitness regime more than I'm doing now. Now that China is better and isn't confined in the apartment, I'll be able to take her out to Pt. Isabel. I'm thinking maybe 1-2 times a week I'll do power walks around the park. I really need to get my ass out of bed earlier so I can walk her in the mornings again as well. I think that helps in waking me up and keeping my muscles limber for the day. I'll keep on riding Isabella 2x a week to keep my legs strong, and this weekend I plan on going to the sports store to buy some laces that will fit my new rollerskates. Hopefully Travis will buy some rollerblades as well so we can go skating along the Berkeley Marina.

I pretty much suck at skating.. I remember when I was young I'd go to the roller rink pretty often and I was decent back then, but fear of falling has left me with the urge to go no faster than if I were walking. My only means of stopping is to crash into unsuspecting pedestrians or to fling myself on the nearest grass/rocks/people/pets.

Merima made yummy asparagus with garlic for us a few nights ago. I was really hoping for some kickass smelly pee, but so far there hasn't been. I want me some smelly pee. I WANT ME SOME SMELLY PEE! (my new mantra)

Not much to write about today.. just been incredibly busy at work and I've been feeling a little bummed out.

This morning my alarm didn't go off so in my sleepy/rushed state of mind, I crashed my truck side mirror into the cement stairs that line the driveway into my apartment complex. As I drove along the street, I hit the first speed bump and the mirror shattered and fell to the ground. Hmm.. 7 years bad luck..

I'm about $2600 in debt on my credit card bill due to last month's truck reparis and maintenance. I knew the damage was coming, but when I got the bill last night it solidified my dread. I can't complain too much about this since I've dug my own hole.

Despite all this I'm not incredibly sad or depressed. I half expected to get into the deep low down phase I've been growing accostumed to, but at the moment, I'm just feeling bummed. I'm thinking maybe the patch has something to do with it. I started on Sunday and have been trying to pinpoint any wierd feelings or physical side effects.. but there have been none so far. I've been tired more than usual, but I've also decided to take a break from those stimulant diet pills I had been taking every day.

Ah well, two weeks will be the tell tale point. Usually around that time I break down for some reason or another and cry senselessly due to the emotional turbulance I get at PMS time.

Travis and I are now addicted to this horrid show in Fx called Nip/Tuck. It's filled with deceit, sex, and nudity. Our kinda TV show!

Television has now entered my life again.
Monday nights: Frontier House on PBS
Tuesday nights: Nip/Tuck on Fx
Wednesday nights: World Poker Tour on the Travel channel.

You are Mary Bell. At the ripe old age of 10 you
strangled a neighbor boy, afterwhich you carved
your initals into his skin. At his funreal you
laughed. Your next victim was a 3 year old. You
pushed him off the roof, resulting in a broken
skull. After he was found you went to his
mothers house and asked to see him, she replied
tha t he was dead. You smiled brightly and said
'Oh, I know he's dead. I wanted to see him in
his coffin."
You horrid little girl you.
-smacks your hand-


Which Imfamous criminal are you?
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I had a pretty mellow evening last night. The floors were swept and mopped, the dog was brushed, toenails and fingernails were clipped. I was quite productive. Well, I was going to organize the mess under the bathroom sink, but didn't get around to that. I was too enraptured in 2 hours of this show called the Frontier House on PBS. It's this "reality" show on public television about 3 families that lived out in Montana in the year 1883. Basically, they were given ammenities according to the time period and had to live and prepare life as they would've if they lived in the season right before the winter. The show was interesting because throughout the participant's commentaries, they provided parallel information as to what it was really like back in the day. In addition to corporate sponsoring, I thought it was interesting that the project got funding from the Alfred P. Sloan foundation, which is a non-profit organization which provides funding for science and technology projects.

Although the show primarily focused on educational value of the day-to-day trials and tribulations of these 3 families, the show did have its face value of typical reality shows seen on prime time television. The first family, the Glenns, was run by this Hitler-esque woman who strong-armed everyone, including her husband of her second marriage. Each of the shows I viewed last night depicted them on the verge of divorce. She was primal frontier house religious bitch! The next family, the Clunes, was your typical California type family. The mother was an amazing baker woman who had no qualms about bending the rules and trading baked goods with the 21st century neighbors (sneaking away from the camera crew to do so) because her husband was malnutritioned and losing weight, and the father dealt in the illegal trade of the moonshining business to get by to support their 4 children. Now that's the kind of family I would've wanted to be in! The third family, the Brooks, was a newlywed couple. The new wife is this curly haired bespeckled woman who I just want to give a good slap in the head.. she was the quintissential suburban princess who hates animals (for God's sake!!). She spent half an hour washing her hair, wasting water.. and the other half complaining how dirty she is. That woman better buck up.. her husband pretty much does all the work around their homestead.

Of course I address the question.. would I have made it out there in the prairielands? What if Travis and I were together and lived in that time period? Would we cooperate to make a successful household or would we kill each other first? A lot of hard manual labor would be necessary to get by.. one in three families wouldn't be prepared for the winter and would have to leave. They wouldn't make the required 5 years homestead to claim their land.. the harsh winters last up to 6 months. (whoa, I did learn something) Travis is a pretty hardy strong guy and I'm a tough chickie, so I think we'd be able to make it. Plus he doesn't have much BO and neither do I, so we'd still have lots of sex despite being dirty.. which would keep both of us happy campers.

Ralph Lauren. A hopeless romantic, you love love.
You are a free-spirit, who paints and explores
nature in her freetime. Ever so girly, you like
flowery things that capture the innocense you
project. Often a bit Bohemian, your style is
usually relaxed and comfortable. Guys adore
your cuter-than-life-itself nature and free-
love philosophy.


Which fashion designer are you?
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You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
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It's taking me a while to wake up today. Almost 10am and I still feel so groggy I want to just pass out.. maybe its time to take those morning jaunts with China in tow. Actually it's more like China with me in tow. One look at a wandering neighborhood cat or squirrel and my arm is pretty much taken off.. which is why I stopped those walks in the morning. I didn't want to start off my day yelling and getting upset at her.

The veterinarian's diagnosis on China's mysterious cough was tracheobronchitis. Commonly known as 'kennel cough'. She's doing much better now, with the coughing episodes only coming on when she's excited to see someone visit. For the next week she's on antibiotics and confinement to the apartment with only a few breaks to pee/poop outside. I've been taking her on truck rides to break up the monotony a little, since she is accustomed to almost daily trips to the dog parks to play (which is most likely where she caught her chest cold).

Last night I was driving around with China and we ended up at the Berkeley Marina. I chose an isolated spot along the rocks to plant myself with her where we wouldn't encounter any other dogs or people. We sat and watched the colors of the clouds as the light from the sun gradually faded along the horizon. We watched the orange and grey colors reflected off the small bay waves.. the ocean teams with so much life and power. It was good to clear my thoughts and spend time with my doggy.. she spent most of the time staring at the crevices between boulders, searching for any sign of small moving creatures she could capture. At one point I looked around and saw another woman who was there by herself.. I wondered what her story was. Everyone decides to find solace for their own reasons.. instead of looking at the beauty of the setting sun and glistening water, her gaze was upon the lights of the distant city across the bay. She sat and watched the twinkling lights, glowing with their own form of life, for a while.. then got up to leave. China and I stayed and watched the kites people were flying in the dusk.. they were sport kites, whizzing through the wind and looping / twisting in the sky. I definitely need to get my kite out soon.

When I got back to the apartment, it was dark. Travis called.. after a weekend of working in the city, he was poooped and came over to spend time together. I missed him.. it was a lovely end to an great weekend.

********

Great weekend recap:
Friday night: Stung, with a coverband of Stone Temple Pilots which were pretty decent.
Saturday day: tagged along with Merima doing a bunch of errands.. discovered this awesome sushi place in El Cerrito named Yammy Sushi next to the new Trader Joe's
Saturday night: went to Walt's party with Merima and Laquel. Spent the night nicely buzzed on vodka and cranberry juice.
Sunday morning: woke up with sore throat from yelling and being silly the previous night. rode Isabella despite saying I'd keep off of her for a week because of my head bump
Sunday day: watched 'Lilo and Stitch' with Merima and vegged out with her.

I should probably actually get to working soon. I'm thinking of cancelling my dog walking service for China.. that would save over $140 a month and I can just go home a few times a week to walk her instead. If I do that, I'll need to invest in some 'busy' toys to keep her occupied while I'm gone during the day. Tonight I definitely need to sweep and clean the kitchen.. she's still shedding!

Because I have nothing to write about, I stole this survey from Krissy's site..

10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately:
1. Evanescense
2. Duran Duran
3. Depeche Mode
4. (insert metal band from Travis)
5. (insert metal band from Travis)
6. (insert metal band from Travis)
7. (insert metal band from Travis)
8. (insert metal band from Travis)
9. (insert metal band from Travis)
10. rubber

09 things you look forward to:
1. eating cereal for breakfast/lunch/dinner
2. coming home to a happy/waggy China
3. riding out on the trails with Isabella
4. kissing Travis
5. spending time with Merima and friends
6. pooping
7. rainy days
8. going to the beach
9. my paycheck to make the above possible

08 things you like to wear:
1. bras, an essential
2. comfy pants
3. tank tops
4. yummy perfume
5. cologne off of Travis to me
6. jizz - BUKKAKE!
7. kickass boots
8. menstrual pads and tampons

07 things that annoy you:
1. loud bass from pimpy cars
2. pimped up hoopdy cars
3. drivers that stop in the middle of the road
4. chicks with dicks
5. snakes eating other snakes
6. people parking in my space
7. head injuries

06 things you say most days:
1. "Yo"
2. "What's goin' on"
3. "What's that smell"
4. "China, HERE"
5. "KISS MY ASS YOU GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKIN COCKSMOKER!" (at least 20 times/day)
6. "Thank you"

05 things you do everyday:
1. fart, hopefully poo
2. kiss Travis
3. eat cereal
4. throw my hands in the air like I just don't care
5. scratch myself

04 people you want to spend more time with:
1. Travis
2. Merima and friends
3. family
4. that dude (points in random direction)

03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1. Forest Gump
2. Charlie's Angels
3. Fellowship of the Ring

02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. "Close To You" DJ Tiesto
2. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea" Spongebob Squarepants

01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. Travybaby.

Last night I had my first Pilates class. It sucked ass for multiple reasons.

First of all, the class is held in the YWCA which is located on Bowditch, right across from the Berkeley campus. What the heck was I thinking.. parking my bohemoth truck at 5pm in the afternoon on a Wednesday for the 5:30 class? Ha ha. After driving around for 20 minutes, attempting to parallel park in front of hoards of gawking students, I finally found a spot several blocks away.

By this time I was late for the class and I still had to change clothes. I enter the auditorium and everyone has their shoes off.. mmmkay. I take off my shoes and take an empty spot in front of some girls who look cattily at each other towards me.. yeah yeah, I was one of *those* girls. A late chick that shoved in front of you because there was no other space.. I felt bad, but hey, what can I do.

First off I notice everyone's crusty nasty feet. And it smells. Like Fritos. The instructor is talking and everyone is listening patiently, grinding their skanky nasty feet into the plastic mat. The instructor tells us to lie back and we start doing this stomach isolation exercises.. which aren't too bad until she tells us to turn over with our faces against the mat. Hellllll no. That isn't going to happen. But I look at everyone around the room to see most if not all of the other students in compliance. I wonder if the instructor is laughing evilly to herself. I crave nachos.

Well, this was my first Pilates class and I don't think I'm going back again. Not only because the facilities were nasty to do all that floor work, but because of the bump on the head I sustained on Monday, doing all those floor exercises where you lie down then roll back up immediately got me very very dizzy. I was pretty disoriented while walking back to my truck and had to stop several times to focus my eyes again. When I reached my truck someone is parked illegally in front of me RIGHT on my front grill. The van behind me was about 2 inches away from my rear bumper. I yelled out some obscenities then got into my truck to do the Austin Powers golf cart in the hall thing for about 10 minutes until I'm finally able to turn out of my space and leave. Quite funny, but it sucked.

I got home and did a bunch of laundry.. spent a mellow night trying to relax since I was still feeling a little dizzy. China has this hacking cough as if something is stuck in her throat. I'm concerned so we have a veterinary appointment at Berkeley Dog and Cat tomorrow afternoon to get her annual checkup and to see what's up in her throat if it isn't better by then. Merima went out with Walt and Amit for sushi again last night and were kind enough to bring me back some of that yummy spicy tuna roll from California Sushi! It was sooo friggen good. YUM YUM.

As I sleepily staggered into work this morning, I shuffled over to my desk to plop down and begin my morning ritual of cruising through my journal/blog lists. I'm about halfway through when Jim, the building manager comes over to inform me that one of our -70 degree freezers has failed downstairs on the 2nd floor. I'm the only one in our group that is in (it's about 8:30am) So I get the task of transfering all of our frozen material to other freezers in the same room. No one should be forced to work that early in the morning. I don't fully awaken until 10am anyway. So, I worked up a good sweat taking care of the mess, water and ice all over the floor.. sample tubes in total disarray. *hate*

My doctor yesterday prescribed Ortho Evra, the birth control patch. If that doesn't work, I'm going to try NuvaRing. I start on Sunday. I'm going to place the patch on my forehead, between my eyes. Hopefully it'll get all grimy and dirt will stick to it. Now if that's not contraception, I don't know what is..

Yesterday China and I went to the local dog park. Unfortunately we didn't stay long because this goofy looking afghan hound kept humping her. This ghost-looking creature has followed her around the park before.. I don't know what it is about her, but he seems to really fancy her. Could it be her tattered looking shedding out phase? The hankerchief she wears that is chewed in all the places where her mouth could reach it? Lord only knows, but this guy would not leave her alone. She would run away from him quickly, but being HUMUNGOUS, he would only have to take a few bounding strides to catch up with her to mount her once again. She found brief solace under the picnic table, only to have him reaching out to poke her with his big fuzzy legs and snuffling and licking at her ear.

For reference, this is what a big abominable snowman of a humper dog looks like:


Save your little ones from the humper! See how suave and romantic he looks in this picture? Don't be fooled.. there is no romance for this dog, he only wants to hump!

Starting off the week on a Tuesday is always a good thing. I had a good weekend.. busy with parties and recovering from parties. Yesterday I misjudged the weather and went for a long ride with Isabella. Little did I know temperatures would soar to triple digits while I was out in the middle of the trail, miles from nowhere. For the first time ever while I was riding, I wanted to go home and stop riding. Well, the fall could've had something to do with it also.

At the base of a long hill, Isabella sped up to a trot gain speed down a little ditch before the climb. My reins were loose, as I always trust her judgement on taking the trail on her own path. She speeds up into a canter and before I know it, we're galloping up the hill.. no problem I thought as I lifted out of the saddle in two-point position (similar to the position jockeys have when they're racing). She decides to take a little break to jump around and start bucking.. all I could think of as I was somersaulting off her shoulder was.. biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitcccch!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I thought, fuck - she's going to trample me. Fortunately she knew exactly where I was, albeit a little perplexed as to how I ended up on the ground. I was riding alone and when I fell, I hit my head pretty hard, my teeth clamping down hard when I hit the ground. Not a good combo.

I immediately got up and back on her.. then cantered the rest of the way up the hill. Asked the biker who was taking a break at the top of the hill if he saw me fall.. negative. Pride restored since no one saw how silly I looked, I went on the trail.. a good hour until I reached home. Later that night after lying down, I stood up and experienced some light-headedness and dizziness.

Just got back from seeing my new doctor on my lunch break and she confirmed that I probably sustained a mild concussion. She asked a bunch of other questions to make sure it wasn't more severe and gave me some precautionary advice and signs to watch for in case it is worse than it seems right now.

Ahhh well, my own stupidity.. I should've been wearing a helmet. I probably shouldn't ride alone. I probably should've been more prepared for a silly horse reaction. I'm certainly paying for it today.. very very sore neck..