I feel like I have to redeem myself after those awful pictures taken over Memorial Day weekend..



I decided to out tonight.. I usually don't wear that much bling bling.

I feel crappy today.

I'm supposed to go out to the city again tonight to go dancing.. but I think I got my fix of dancing last night. I went with Merima to the Oasis and it was like all the North Beach crowd from the city was there. Lots of hootchie girls dressed up wanting to be looked at. At least it was entertaining for us.. there were these 2 raver chickies that danced pretty awesome - I want to dance like them! It was like their bodies were detached from their heads the way they were moving. So very cool.

Anyways, I'm supposed to play tennis tonight in ghetto Oakland, then I think I'm going to stay in and watch "Strange Days" which I bought a while ago on DVD. I'm not feeling very social again.. and not feeling well doesn't help.

My throat is sore and I think I'm getting SARS. That's okay because it'll give me an excuse to stay home underneath the covers. I should really get a DVD drive for my computer so I can watch movies in bed when I'm not feeling well.

I think I shall save my money up to get LASIK for my eyes.. anyone know of a good laser surgeon in the bay area?

I think I need a male blowup doll to cuddle up with.. like when I'm sick. To hang out in bed and watch DVDs from my computer without having to get up to put on my contacts. That's the ticket. (I love it when incoherent random thoughts thrown together in a post all tie together in the end, woo!)

OH GOD this post is funny.. haha. Note the title first.

I need a shoulder massage like you wouldn't believe.. with that in mind, I have a few interesting tidbits of information for you today.

Before I spent my night vegging, I went to the Berkeley Bowl to pick up some groceries. For those of you unfamiliar with this place, it is the epitomy of everything Berkeley. A giant commercialized health food store trying to be environmentally conscious, underneath a corporate guise. Okay well, maybe that's not true, but that's my take on it. Well, whatever it is, the entity does not like me.

First off, I drive in with my 'environmentally conscious' giant diesel truck and try to look for a parking space. Looking for parking spaces in Berkeley with my truck fills me with dread and anxiety. Not only do I have the task of trying to fit a melon into a space the size of a walnut, I always seem to have an audience of at least 5 people watching me. So, I find a space, not without a few Berkeley Bowl patrons looking on with an air of disdain.. 'how dare she bring that air polluter into our inner vegetable hummus sanctuary'. So I quickly exit the vehicle and run away from it with my hands up in the air.. it's not my truck!! Move along, people!

I run inside and grab my bulk foods.. the main reason for going there (bulk yeast is way cheaper than the stuff in the packages). I get into the 12 item or less line because I count roughly 13 items in my basket. When it's my turn up, my cell phone begins to ring. I fumble through my purse, trying to find the button to silence the darn thing.. and the cashier begins to imitate the ring noise. Gah! Okay, yes, I am a cell phone/nice purse/diesel truck-toting gal.. but I live in Berkeley too, damnit! Hm. Then he asks me, "Hm, do you know about the bulk foods counter?" Me, "Uh, no.." Him, "Well, you have to get your items weighed and priced at that counter.. I can look it up here but it takes me a lot longer". By this time I'm sweating.. okay. I blurt out, "Sorry, THIS IS ONLY MY SECOND TIME HERE!!" (making sure everyone in line heard me, see I'm trying to be environmentally conscious by shopping at the Berkeley Bowl, but please forgive my normal surburbianite ignoramancy) *sheepish grin*

So, I wait.. the line waits.. as he looks up and prices each item. When he looks at the foreign powders he asks me, is this such-n-such? And I immediately say yes to speed up the process.. even though now I'm the wierd person who eats powdered dry soy glutein protein milk powder (I suppose that isn't as bad as powdered non-dairy coffee creamer). He finally finishes and I'm perspiring (er, glowing - girls glow, right?) and I run out of the store, squeeze into my truck because a VW van has parked too close, and run on back to my ghetto apartment. What an ordeal. I'm officially scared of shopping there. I wonder if they have online ordering.

Last night I watched Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets. The movie took about 5 1/2 hours to watch because I kept pausing to: walk the dog, make 2 loaves of banana bread and a loaf of honey wheat bread (yum, I have way more than enough, who wants some?), chat with people online, check e-mail, and chat on the phone. Is it just me or does Parseltongue sound very similar to Elvish?

Oh, and my nose bled about 5 times yesterday. I kept having to stuff more and more tissue up my nose.. I'm not sure what's up with that. Must be all the coke I'm snorting. Just kidding.. I've never tried coke unless you count the caffeinated kind. I had a rough night sleeping with my nose constantly bleeding. Going riding tonight.. yay.

I've got a million things to do and probably people I should see, but I don't want to do anything. Tonight I want to sit and stare at the TV while not thinking about anything or anyone.

Has anyone ever drank a cupfull of powdered coffee creamer and breathed out through their nose, spraying powder all over their face then having a coworker come up to you and ask you a question? Anyone? Hm.

This weekend I learned: "Meetay, meetay, orino chingko dukai!"

Translation from Japanese: "Look at me, look at me, I have a big penis!"

Thank you to Mark's dormmate for that gem.

I was very tired and disoriented this morning. I poured my juice (which is green) into my cereal bowl instead of my soy milk. I pondered eating it that way for a while then threw the whole thing out, figuring it was cheap Trader Joe's cereal (oat bran raisen, yum).

Last night I made my first loaf of bread from my breadmaker. It took 45 minutes and I pretty much did everything the instructions told me not to do.. and the bread was good! It took all the will power I had not to eat it all last night at 11:30pm. The loaf is small enough so I can make a lot of different kinds without getting sick of any one kind of bread.. last night I made French bread made with the olive oil which was infused with basil (from Lizette's herb garden). It was quite delish.

My hands are turning calloused and manly due to riding and doing little 'apartment improving' projects. My room ratings are definitely going up (see, Sims). Last night I set up the bookcase I purchased from Pier One. It stands below the wire leaf candle holder my sister bought me as a housewarming present (yay!) which is on the wall. Anyways, I put this bookcase together all by myself.. I was quite proud.

Yesterday I took Isabella to Briones to ride around the trails there.. I hitched up the trailer all by myself, another proud weekend moment. As we were coming back, we were riding along a single track trail which opened up to a big grassy field. As we were walking, we almost landed smack dab into a rattlesnake which was sunning itself on the trail in front of us. After yelling "HOLY SHIT!!" really loud, I backed up Isabella and watched as the snake slithered through the grasses off to the right. Isabella was very aware of what was on the trail in front of her after that.

Last night I spent the evening by myself in the apartment alone. At first I was itching to leave.. I must go have some human interaction.. but I succumbed to laziness and spent the evening cleaning and doing stuff around the apartment I needed to do while watching a few movies. I now have my brother's TV which is more larger and more modern than my old one (anyone need a TV?) so I don't get buzzing sounds everytime white appears on the screen (which is a pain when there are any subtitles to a movie). So, I watched Ocean's Eleven and Usual Suspects. Two guy flicks. I can feel the testosterone cursing through my veins.

I decided to finally have a little apartment warming party at my place next month. It'll be on the 15th, which is a Sunday.. I hate hosting parties cuz I don't think I'm very good at it. I love my little home even if its in a ghetto neighborhood.

Posted Memorial Day Weekend, 2003, photos. Click the photo below or off to the left!

Playground schoolbell rings, again
Rainclouds come to play, again
Has no one told you she's not breathing ?
Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to...Hello...
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide...
*Don't cry...*
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here, all that's left
Of yesterday...

Hello Evanescence

Happy 3-day weekend everyone. Today Lizette drives up to visit me tonight. We have a packed weekend.. our tentative itinerary so far:

Today:
Tonight before she arrives: I go to a hip-hop dance class at the Berkeley YMCA with Andrea(Oakland Andrea, not barn Andrea) and Laquel.
After class: Pass out and sleep until Lizette arrives
After Lizette arrives: Head over to Club Rawhide in SF for their Devilish Party if we're both up for it.

Tomorrow:
Morning: go to the barn to see Isabella take care of barn Andrea's horse, Daisy
Noon: free haircut, woohoo!
Afternoon: SF Carnaval
Night: Albatross Bar in Berkeley

Sunday:
Morning: sleep
Noon: pack up Lizette's truck with Mark's stuff
Afternoon/Night: Bammies, afterparty at Oakland Andrea's place

Monday:
Morning: Lizette drives home with Mark
Afternoon: ride Isabella and take care of Daisy again
Night: jump up jump up and get down

Fun-filled weekend. I think I'm headed home now.. Have an awesome weekend everyone. :)

Congradulations Merima on Graduating!! WOOHOO!!

At work I'm part of the editorial/writing board of a site-wide newsletter that goes out to the employees. The launch of the new newsletter was last week and I had no idea how many accolades would come with the job. At first I was hesitant to join the staff, as I had so much on my plate already at work.. but it involved writing, one of the few activities that comes naturally and which I enjoy, so I acquiesced and accepted the position. Although my writing style is very much journalistic in nature (as in, bloggy-style), they published my articles for the first edition (2 of them!) and the finished product looked pretty awesome. We were rewarded with a breakfast this morning in which the VP of Biotech came and congratulated each of us personally and gave us each recognition awards for our hard work and dedication in getting this newsletter published. So I now have a $100 American Express gift check in my posession... YAAAHOOO!!! In the near future we're also getting a nice luncheon to further congratulate us. I'm thinking a nice fancy lunch would make me feel much congratulated.

I didn't get around to making bread last night.. instead I watched "Better Luck Tomorrow" at the Parkway Theatre in Oakland. Had to support the asian community, yo. Now, it takes a certain asian look for me to be attracted.. and the main actor in this movie definitely had that look.. Perry Shen. Yum. I think it's that innocent, 'please corrupt me for I am pure' kind of look that gets me going. In the picture below, he's the one on the left.



It's interesting, in junior high and high school, most of my crushes were on asian guys.. but I've never dated an asian guy. Hmm.. what's up with that. Maybe I'm not meeting them or something. I think I'm not asian enough. Very interesting.....

Oh! I bought a cheap breadmaker that was in my Gold Box on Amazon.. $40 including shipping! Best part was I was home when the UPS guy came by so I didn't have to go pick up the package from friggin Richmond like I usually have to.

All of you that are within driving distance are going to be getting loaves of bread from me.. I read the reviews of this little machine and it sounds awesome. Tonight I will make bread, wooo hooo!

Busy morning! Didn't have time to write because I was running around to meetings and working.

I'm getting more and more excited for this Russian River rafting trip my friends and I are going to. Unfortunately China can't come along but she'll be in good hands. I absolutely loooove camping. I love everything about it. Getting dirty, eating smores, changing in my sleeping bag, no city lights - only a sky full of stars to illuminate the night. I haven't told people, but I've never canoed before. I think it should be pretty interesting for the person that is going to be partnered up with me. Hopefully it'll be an unsuspecting guy so I can flip the boat and make him mad. Just kidding. :D

I reek today. I'm wearing this old body scent from "The Body Shop" called Dewberry. I think its gone rancid or something because it smelled something gross after a while today so I wiped most of it off, but I can still smell myself. Yucky.

On a side note, I'm doing much better with the self-harming thingy. Merima, it means SOOO much to me to have you there cheering me on when I do well and not judging me. I feel a lot healthier than I did about 5 months ago.. and I'm improving one little small step at a time. Friends are awesome. They make you feel good about yourself. I'm realizing that hey, I look like a pretty darn good person on paper.. just have to boost my self-image and esteem, and I'll be all good.

Okay, this has *nothing* to do with the previous post, but twinkie boys wearing tighty whities and white angel wings are hot.

hee.

I just found out today that one of my horsey friend's sons died. Her boy was 18 years young and was possibly intoxicated and/or under the influence of drugs while driving with his brother. I'm unclear which of them was driving, but the driver fell asleep at the wheel and the boy was thrown about 30 feet out the front windshield and landed on his head. He was kept on life support until Sunday when the doctors realized that there was nothing they could do for him and unplugged the machines. She's been through a lot in her life.. please keep her in your prayers. I wish there was more I could do for her.. but in situations like this, I try to stay on the sidelines and do what I can without crowding in people's lives. I'll be taking care of her horse tonight.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot of the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn it...third gay rooster I bought this month."

Listen to my yahoo radio station. It roXors.

Exhausting weekend. Physically and mentally.

Saturday I went out for a long ride on Isabella. It's wonderful riding alone out on the trails. I could die or collapse and no one would be there to help me aside from the vultures that scan the hills for dead flesh. Yay for morbid thoughts. It was peaceful and a beautiful day.. when I'm out riding, I rarely see a single soul out on the trails.. and right now the trails are filled with lush green weeds and wild flowers. Everytime I'm out there I am reminded that I need to bring my camera out one day before everything gets dried out by the increasing sunlight and dryness of the summer.

Yesterday I hit the Himalayan festival with a few buddies and purchased a few great pieces to put up on my walls. I also purchased some sage to 'purify' my new home and a toe-ring which matches the tattoo on my thigh. I'm thinking maybe.. having a house-warming party sometime in June. Or maybe at the end of this month.. in either case, it'll be small. I must get rid of this beer and vodka that I don't drink.

Join Friendster! By adding Lizette to my group, I single-handedly added half the male gay population of California to my contacts list. Interesting. Who are all these homosexual men? A nice plus is that most of them have half-naked pictures on their profiles. Gods, some of these men are really hot. Thank you, Lizette! I am waiting on confirmation from Bea Arthur, Blanche Devereaux (from Golden Girl's fame), and Jesus Christ to add me to their friends' lists. *closes her eyes and wishes with her fingers crossed, please please please accept me!*

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything

-Fields of Innocence, Evanescence

An interesting topic of conversation came up the other night when the guys and I were at the Albatross. We were discussing walking down the street and eye contact with strangers. One of the guys commented that guys must approach me on the street, at bars/clubs/whatever to say I'm cute or if they're interested. Which is most definitely not true unless it was some sort of a sick joke. haha.

Well, okay. I'm unbelievably shy when it comes to encountering strangers on the street. As I walk from one destination to the other, I'm usually looking straight where I'm going or at the ground, usually with a look of indifference or concentration. Same goes when I'm walking through a club or bar.. no eye contact with anyone. I guess it's my self-esteem coming in to play. I hesitate even to look at myself if I'm passing by my reflection in a window.. the horror.

But why, why do I hesitate to look into a stranger's eyes. It's not like anything will ever come of it. Chances are one in a million that we would even have any sort of chemistry.. so why not just look because nothing will ever happen of it. Maybe its because I'm afraid of the rejection so much I wouldn't want to do anything to even hint of setting myself up for it. A look of disdain could render my already fragile self-image into a downward spiral. So.. I'll continue looking at the ground.. or where I'm going. But maybe one day I'll be brave enough.

Just some inward musings. Must go run my gel now.

Okay this is funny. Note the title of the post.

Ahh.. beautiful.



Anyone see the eclipse? I looked for it between having dinner and watching the Matrix last night.. but Berkeley was a little too cloudy to see anything.

I don't want to talk about the Matrix because I hate when people talk about a movie before I see it.. but I had a lot of fun. Just like the previews suggested, it was visually amazing. Holy crap.

Okay, I must talk about the sex though. There was a lot of adult themes in this movie.. so it probably isn't appropriate for those under 18. Mass orgies, Keanu's naked body, it's all good. Ahh.. and like the hopeless romantic girl I am, I had to be affected by the complete devotion that Trinity and Neo had for each other. A love completely pure (and dripping with lust, might I add). I want that, wheee! The week after my period all I can think about are toothbrushes (if you read what I wrote a few weeks ago, you'll understand what I'm saying). I have toothbrushes on my mind constantly. It encompasses my brain (just like a certain somebody has been) ;) Actually I've been thinking of the two together. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM. Bad Julienne!

Fast forward to this morning:
So, the first thing I do as I'm stepping out of my truck to get to work is step in a big pile of dog doo-doo. Nice. I proceed to the bathroom and spend the next 10 minutes picking out dog excrement with a 1000 uL pipette tip in the sink. Luckily, I know which sink the dog feces was in so I won't use that one again. I was reminded of my incident in the same bathroom where I got locked in the stall and had to crawl out underneath the door. Good times in that bathroom.

Yay it's Friday. This week went by quickly..

You Can Talk to Animals!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ahh.. hot Korean chicks galore. Take a peek at the contestants for the Miss Korea 2003 pageant. (courtesy of Scott's page - he's Kev's cousin, a cute 1/2 Korean doctor w/ a beautiful family in Michigan) Alright, I must comment on these women. I didn't take a peek at all of their close-up photos, but 80% of the girls I did look at had cosmetic eye surgery. For those of you that don't know, a lot of Korean women and girls get their eyes 'done' early in their lives. If you take a close peek at unaltered asian eyes, you'll see a single eyelid.. without the 'westernized' fold you see in caucasian or other races. I wonder why asian women are perceived to be more beautiful with this alteration done. In the same way, there are a few caucasian women with 'asian eyes' that are perceived to be beautiful as well - Helen Hunt, Leelee Sobieski.

I'd like to see a pageant where it was mandatory that all girls had no surgery to alter their appearance.. wouldn't that be considered cheating?

On a side note, number 1 is totally spunky and cute and I would totally do her if I were a lesbian.

My mind is tired, although I'm feeling somewhat content with life at this very second. I feel like I accomplished a lot yesterday. I made some major improvements on my site.. the webcam will be on while I'm gone at work (I think I actually caught a glimpse of China's tail about 20 minutes ago). If you see anything interesting, capture the image and send it to me. :) I think the dogwalker will be in between 12:30pm and 1pm PST today and I should be getting home early at around 4:30pm. So you might actually see some action there besides my wall heater. China usually hangs out on the futon in the front room.. so I might add a USB extension cord to my webcam so I can see what's going on in there.

I'm using this software for a 10 day free trial period. I added the border, a date/time stamp, and a 30 second automatic refresh yesterday. Yay for me.

Yesterday I also made a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting which turned out really really good. I also got this recipe to make chocolate chip cookies from Bisquick. I didn't particularly care for it, but I brought it over to Albatross where I met up with Merima, Walt, Amit and Raj.. they seemed to think they were okay. A bit more cakey/scooney for my taste.

Albatross is a cool little bar in Berkeley.. lots of board games, pool, and darts to keep us entertained. We played a little bit of pool and I was reminded how much I suck. Merima, however, kicks way more pool ass. After Merima left to study, the 3 guys and I played Uno.. the game was pretty slow until Walt introduced some of the rules for 'Killer Uno'. Much fun ensued and I won the game, which made me go 'yay' after getting reamed at pool. Listening to the guys' conversations were interesting. Guys talk about much different things than girls do and are a lot more crude. All 3 of the guys are single and I love hearing about their takes on girls we know mutually.. and their opinions on other guys.

Honestly, I felt like being antisocial yesterday.. but once again, I'm glad I went out and spent some human interaction time.

I must contain myself, but I'm watching 'The Matrix: Reloaded' tonight. Same group of friends and I are going to grab a bite to eat (Chinese food, which I've had a craving for all this week) and then head over to the theatre for some sunglass wearing, trenchcoat kickass action. Good times.

This week is flying by quickly, only one more week until Lizette visits, yay!

Added another webcam. Spy on China while I'm at work. She probably won't hang around my bedroom much.. but maybe you'll catch a glimpse of her while I'm gone.

I changed 'My Vanity Page', go take a looksy!

I got another amusing e-mail from someone I don't know.

i m good looking sexy boy.i ll be usa next year.i want you baby want me

Keep them coming, it keeps me highly amused at work.

I'm ok, folks, really. I just needed to find a way to numb my feelings and the healthiest way to do that was to drive up to Walnut Creek and hop on my horse. And ride. Fast. (yet, sensibly) :)

The trails were beautiful last night. Aside from the numerous bug clouds out there, I really enjoyed myself. I think I found my center. My "serenity now" (a la Seinfeld).

Driving back to Berkeley, I really just wanted to isolate myself and be alone.. but Laquel called and so I met up with her and Davina over at Tully's, a coffee shop on Shattuck. The only parking available necessitated me to parallel park my truck... in front of big glass window of another coffee shop. So with 8 different pairs of eyes from students looking up from their study books watching my big diesel vehicle, I backed up my truck into the spot, pulled forward.. perfect, all in one fluid motion.. yeah baby. I felt like running around my truck with my hands up in the air.. yeah I'm asian, I'm a chick, go Julienne, it's your birthday.

We relaxed and chatted until about 11 or so.. then I went home, cybered with Merima (hehe), then went to bed about 1:30.. which was way too late. I feel like I'm dragging today.. and my ovaries hurt, I can feel them.

I need a hole in the ground to crawl into and die.

On a side note, I got a postcard with coupons from a local pizzeria. The card was addressed to "Pizza Lover at XXXX Mystreet St. Berkeley, CA 94703" How did they know I was a pizza lover I wonder.

Anyways, back to dying. Self-destructive mode engaged. Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Just let me be, when I'm crazy.

I found this picture in my camera.. cool colors. :D



Last night I was sitting in the chat room and this guy e-mailed me. I thought it was pretty amusing:

Hi
I hope you r fine there about me i am fiaz khan from pakistan and iam 26
yrs old i saw your profile after saw your picture i can say that you are my
look like dream girl and now i wanna make love with you if yuo like me.after
this i want make lovely friendship with you bcoz i need a sincere and
loveable friend like you
can you make friendship with me.I will send you my picture after recieve
your answere pls dont forget me bcoz really i need a loveable person like
you
i hope you should e mail me
thanks.. I'm absolutely sure that friendship is one of the most precious
things in the world, but real friends are hard to find and if you found
some, be careful not to loose them.
bye now and take care always be happy
fiaz khan

**ok, I must add that the picture in my profile lately has been this:

(if this doesn't say "dream girl", I don't know what does)

Oh yeah, I think I'm PMS'ing. It must've been all the girly estrogen exposure this past weekend. My boob hurts. Need aloe.

It was quite a long weekend, let me tell ya..

Well, first off when I arrived at Andrea's river house, I found it was her pre-bachelorette party, not the actual bachelorette party. So, if this weekend is any indication of how crazy the actual party will be, I'm in deep cacapoopoo. I did a pretty good job in taking care of myself (I wasn't the one worshiping the porcelin gods on Friday night)... but I did spend the majority of the weekend with either a good alcohol or mary jane percentage in my blood. We made calzones from Trader Joe's pizza dough and tomato marinera on Friday evening - SO FRIGGIN GOOD!! Then marinated BBQ steaks on Saturday night. For the most part of the weekend I was lying out or watching girly flicks on their huge TV screen. It was nice to sit and relax and not feel guilty about it.. usually I can't allow myself to do these things at home without a million to-do errands running through my mind.

My left boob got a little burnt.. the rest of me was tanned nicely after only lying out for a few hours on Saturday.

Yesterday I caught up on the million to-do errands, and finally picked up a coffee table (from Ikea, but second-hand so I didn't have to shop there). Mark came over for dinner and afterwards, a few friends came over for strawberry shortcake dessert. Holy moly, it was so friggin good. I found a good recipe for carrot cake so I'll be making that sometime this week - and Mark wants me to make chocolate chip cookies as well.. and I have this really dark molasses sugar which tastes so good in cookies. Eeek, I'm becoming so domestic.. :-o

I also worked out yesterday - did about an hour of cross-training. Stairclimber to get my cardio in, bicep curls, shoulder lifts, squats with oblique lifts (I think that's what they're called), lunges, push-ups, and pilates-style stomach crunches. I'm so incredibly sore today.

So very tired. I was looking at my calendar for work this week and I'm pretty booked solid. I see my the-rapist (for $200, Alex!) tonight and Isabella tomorrow night. Wednesday I might buy a cheapo DVD player if I can afford it, and Thursday we go out to see The Matrix Reloaded (aaawwww yeah, baby). Good times. Time to go extract serum and spleens. Yum.

Forgot to mention, I'm gone until Sunday! Andrea is having a bachelorette party at her place on the Sacramento river so China and I will be staying there for the weekend, eating good food and hopefully laying out by the river if the weather is nice.

Sunday evening Mark is coming by and I'm cooking him lots of yummy Korean food so he can be prepared for finals. I don't think either of us has had good food since we visited home over Easter.. and I haven't made kimchee-chigae in AGES!! So I'm looking forward to it. Trying to decide if I should bust out the apple pie for when he visits or when Lizette visits in two weeks.. hmm.

February 4th, the day before my birthday I wrote about a guy I talked with.. :)

I put the little smiley face there because he makes me smile. As I was looking for that entry.. that date, I came across this one.. written about a month previous:

Ugh, how can I say this without sounding horribly cheesy. I don't think I can.. so I'll just say it.. I want to meet that guy who'll sweep me off my feet. Every time I look at this person I will want to be close to him (and lick him). It'll be helpful if he can put up with my geekiness and sometimes childish behavior.. and he would have admirable traits, like a passion for something in life. Someone who shares the same values as I do and strives for a fulfilling life with ultimately a family in mind.

I know all of this will happen eventually. So I'm riding the tide until opportunity arises.

I won't say much more on this.. He is a diamond in the rough. A rare person with such a good heart.. I feel lucky that fate decided to cross our paths..

I've taken steps towards reaching my goals in life. I've moved out to Berkeley, where I am *much* happier. I'm near my brother (family), I'm near my dearest supportive friends. I'm near work, which is making me more motivated to do well and strive for professional success.

Life is falling into place. I'm not particularly a religious person, but I held on to that faith, even in the most darkest, dreariest hours.. I had the faintest hope that life would get better one day.

On a side note, I will not watch the morning news anymore. Channel 5 KTVU showed two video clips this morning: 1. senior students "initiating" junior girls by kicking the crap out of them and pouring foul substances including human feces, and 2. A guy who jumped off a 4 foot story building into a pool, and catching the edge of the pool as he dove in.

It made me sick to my stomach. I'll stick to the Fresh Prince reruns in the morning.

Now this is a story all about how my life got turned right upside down.. (I can sing the whole theme song, fear my rapping sKillZ!!)

the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

I've been in meetings all day long starting at 8:30 with hardly any time to breathe.. I still have a few things left to do in the lab before I head on home, but I wanted to post the lyrics to a song that has been in my head all day. It's such a pretty, yet somber song.. I like the video because the singer, Robbie Williams, is riding a horse mostly throughout it. :)

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given

I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand

I just want to feel real love
Fill the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I don’t want to die
But I ain’t keen on livin' either
Before I fall in love
I’m preparing to leave her

I scare myself to death
That’s why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
And I need to feel real love
In a life ever after
I cannot get enough

I just want to feel real love
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It’s a real big place

Come on hold my hand

Long awaited apartment photos. Completely forgot about the toothbrush picture, sorry Kev!

I'm glad I don't have this guy's problem.

Yesterday I decided to take a shortcut over the tunnel to Walnut Creek to see Isabella. Instead of saving me time, I got completely lost on these small windy roads and ended up in Oakland. 40 minutes later I backtracked my way back to where I turned off for the shortcut and returned to the highway. It sucked. It was raining. I had China with me who had bad breath.

Finally making my way to the barn, I decided to chill out and relax.. I chatted it up with Sandi and watched Isabella graze. I think it's time to bust out my digital camera again - I need to take photos of my new place and Isabella looks beautiful now with her summer coat. Every year her coat lightens and she looks whiter while her mane/tail and legs remain black. Eee! my girl is so purty.

On a brighter note, I finally got my knives yesterday. They're so nice! I (heart) them and want to use them all.. on my body (muhaha). Just kidding. I'm glad I have them.. try making 2 apple pies - coring, peeling, and slicing 6 huge apples.. with a butter knife. That sucked.

And.... we have an internet connection!

Despite the premonition that I wouldn't be able to install the dsl kit by myself (and fuck it up like I normally do all things), I was delighted to see that the kit was built for complete idiots and that it was quite easy to install. Kudos to SBC Yahoo DSL!

The one annoying thing is that everytime I turn on my computer, I have to press a button to connect to DSL and then it takes about 2 minutes for the connection to take place. Damnit, when I turn on my computer, I want to be able to download my porn, er, talk to my friends IMMEDIATELY.

*on a side note, I have no naked pictures of anyone on my computer (aside from blackmail pictures)

Having an internet connection makes the lack of coffee table bearable because I spend less time in front of the TV.

I need a coffee table badly. This little white footstool just ain't cutting it.

Everything is unpacked, all my paintings are up, I have a brand new beautiful rug in my living room. But in the place of a nice coffee table, I have my little white plastic footstool where I place my drinking cup and/or bills while sitting on my futon.

This madness must stop. Must find a coffee table.

Despite the fact that I was determined to make out with a boy, any boy, this weekend.. I didn't. Actually I'm quite proud of myself. Unfortunately, self-control is a weak point for me.. so yay me!

I am quite tired this Monday morning.. I would love to crawl back into bed, but I'm finding that living by myself is leaving me a little obsessive compulsive about finding things to do constantly. Any mess will not be picked up by anyone else but me, so on Saturday I went into a little mini-cleaning frenzy.

X-men2 on Friday night was incredibly good. Laquel brought her 2 gay friends who were so cute and fun. Merima and I went for drinks after that and didn't get home until about 2:30am or so. Saturday night we hung out at a friend's place then headed to Walnut Creek to watch Stung, a Police cover band. This is about the 3rd time I've seen them and that night I would've preferred to have stayed relaxing at someone's place rather than going out to another bar. Quite frankly I'm barred out. I had a little smoke before we left for the bar and I think that left me a little surly that evening. I just felt a bit anti-social and wanted to be someplace quieter. Afterwards, I chatted it up with Amit until about 4 in the morning and went to bed.

6 hours later, China woke me up and we headed over to Pt. Isabel. I sat on the rocks that lined the shoreline and watched China jump from rock to rock as she observed the dogs on the other side of the water playing fetch and swimming around. It was nice to just sit and relax my thoughts for a while. After we got home, I baked 2 loaves of bread, a loaf of banana bread, and 2 apple pies with crumb topping. Mmm.

Hopefully my internet connection will be up tonight.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I'm feeling a great deal of anxiousness... like I'm waiting for something to happen right now. I feel this way when I'm upset about something and I'm not quite sure what. Maybe I just feel a void in my life.

Happiness comes from within.. I have wonderful friends and my sister will be coming to visit me in a few weeks. Then why do I feel empty like I am now. How do people go on in times like this.. where do they derive their strength? No doubt, I will chug along.. but this feeling inside doesn't help. Brief physical contact is a temporary band-aid.. that feeling of closeness. It's possible, I could have that easily. I've used it as a quick-fix in the past.. but it doesn't repair what's really going on inside and sometimes I hate myself for feeling this way.

Maybe I'm missing the Internet. haha. My lover, my sweet, dear Internet. How I love thee.

This morning sucked. As I was backing out of the driveway I scraped the cement planter along the side (as I was carefully avoiding the cars parked along the other side). I have a huge scrape along the side of my rear bumper. GOSHFUCKINGDARNITALLTOHELL. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night 4 other lovely ladies and I went to Oasis for general girl-frolicking and dancing. With that much estrogen concentrated in one area, we were a general magnet for freaks. Quite a few freakazoids approached us. We decided that normal guys just don't approach groups of girls.. only freaks. At least they were entertaining.

We also had a good time observing these two 30-something women, one of which had a mullet, and the other one who was styling in not one, but two sports bras. She was supported, yes.

Well, that 40 Days and 40 Nights thing all went to hell last night. All it took was trying out my new electrical toothbrush... something about all that buzzing going on inside my mouth.. hmmm..

Hey Mom! What's up!? haha

Today is Day Four with no internet connection at home. Although I've been trying to keep myself busy, I've been finding myself zoned to the television set every night. I am reminded why I don't watch TV. Such shows as Mr. Personality and The Bachelor make me want to yank my hair out. There was this one chick on The Bachelor last night that did not talk in any other dialect besides 'Valley Girl'. I wanted to kick her in the head.

Aside from this quality programming, there are shows that I am fascinated and transfixed by. Around 10pm on the Style channel there is this show called Trance Runway or something like that. The show consists of runway models walking up to the camera then back in different fashions, coordinated to funky trance music. I can't stop watching it. The monotony and expressions of complete disregard the models posess keep me glued to the screen, and for that 1/2 hour I don't even pee or move. Walk up.. walk down.. one foot after the other. What the hell is that chick wearing. They're all so tall and skinny. I love the way they walk. Why don't they trip? Unreal. Intriguing. Must not stop watching.

Ahh.. I can't wait until I get my internet back.. my precious..