I met with my therapist this morning. He wants to put me on drugs. I was surprised and a bit upset at the thought.. am I that emotionally unstable.. or does he really think I'm that sad to suggest putting me on medication? Gosh, I must be pretty bad for him to think that. Well, I guess anyone objectively looking at the week I had would think I'm a little crazy. I've been very very restrictive and rigid about my diet ever since I found out what my weight was last Friday. I think that may have concerned him a bit.

I don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. What if it helps.. would I need to take it until I die to make me happy? What if I want to quit.. what will happen.. will I become even more depressed and isolate myself from the world until it becomes so bad I don't want to do anything?

Thank God Miho is coming up tonight!

Shiezta. Always wondering, always worrying. The thought just fills me with angst and stress.

This picture is wierd.

Oh, and for the girls out there.. you know you've done it.. but it didn't turn out so well. Here's help.

I'm feeling 95% better today! I actually climbed out of my shell at home and started talking to my roommates again yesterday. See, when I'm sick and depressed, I lock myself up. I don't want contact with anyone so I isolate myself in my room with China and disappear from the world. My guy roommate commented that my hair looked longer.. being sick makes my hair grow faster! wheeee. Tonight I go to the gym and start working out again.. I think I'm starting to get back on track.

Last night I was tossing and turning in bed.. with a big jumble of throughts racing through my brain. I think I overanalyze too much. Basically I was asking myself if I was ready to try another relationship again. I have little to no faith in guys these days.

Oh, how could I forget! I was at the dentist yesterday and floating in the luxurious world of nitrous when I fell asleep. Here's a picture for ya, my mouth has a bridge that is keeping it open and I have a big dental dam over my mouth isolating the teeth that are being worked on. I'm passed out, asleep with drool running down the side of my cheek and suddenly I SNORT myself awake. eeeek! I open my eyes and luckily the dentist had walked out of the office, leaving only the hygenist there to see what a nerd I am.

Yay for snorting.

Feeling better today.. for a variety of reasons.

For one, I think my sickness has a direct correlation to my moods. Being sick constantly is tiring. It draaaains me. Constantly exuding colored mucus from your body does not attract friends, nor does it make you want to be around friends, for fear that these friends will soon be exuding mucus as well. I'm feeling better. I'm still coughing, but yesterday was the last day of my antibiotics and now I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I also briefly had contact with my mom and dad yesterday. My dad emailed me and told me he was sending me money for my birthday (which is in exactly one week, yikes). My mom, although totally off in what was bothering me.. tried to console me and assured me that she would always be there for me and loved me. At the time I was like, yeah yeah.. whatever. But.. later the magnitude of how much she cares for me hit me and I realized I was very lucky. Digging myself deeper into depression and not grasping onto the hands along the wall that were reaching out to help me wasn't going to help anyone. Boy, my therapist would be proud.

A few days ago I also wrote about someone I met.. but erased it later on in the day. I'm just not sure if he's real yet.. but he's been offering words of encouragement as well.. which is very sweet. He suggested instead of trying to 'fix' myself.. to instead be at peace with myself.

Miho will be coming to visit me Friday night.. I booked us for "The Works" spa treatment at Dr. Wilkinson's Hot Springs Resort in Calistoga. This includes: a mud bath, an aromatic mineral whirlpool bath, steam room, a blanket wrap and a massage. All for $99! Good deal.

Not feeling very good.. inside or outside.

I want to crawl up into a hole.. where are the holes these days in Northern California. I haven't seen one in ages.

I'm at work today.. honestly, I should've stayed home. Not only am I queasy from all the meds I'm taking.. but as soon as I walked in the door I found out another one of the high up directors are leaving. GEEZUS! Just makes things more unstable. ARGH, the stress is killing me.

I watched the Superbowl yesterday at Bob's (Mark flaked again!!). I fell asleep halfway through because I was just worn out from being sick and walking at the dog park. Maybe that's why the Raiders lost??? Well, I woke up in time to see them catch up and lose. My favorite commercial was one of the Budwieser commercials they played early on. "That referree's an ASS!!" "Actually, he's a zebra." BAHAHAHAH!! omg too funny.

I am home.. I am sick. I went to the doctor this morning and she told me I have bronchitis. This kind of makes sense because I was around a lot of smokers on Friday night.. and it was really cold. So.. I'm on Zithromax and cough medicine with codeine (Hydrocodone/Guaifenesin). She also gave me some Albuterol for my asthma when it flares up (which it hasn't in a while).

The nurse also weighed me when I got in. I was half wanting to ask her not to weigh me.. but I did. And I looked. And I was really really not happy. I can't believe how much I weigh. Really not good. I knew that if I weighed myself I'd either become really depressed or start doing other things to hurt myself. I guess its a blessing that I'm sick because really.. right now I have no appetite at all and I feel too crappy to do anything about it.

Sooo.. yuck. I'm really considering making another private journal for myself to put negative thoughts like these in.. because I don't feel comfortable voicing them to the public.

I am Steve from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!

Which Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you??

Read about Lizette's car buying adventure here!!

Ugh, so I'm sick again. I drugged myself up and went to bed. Woke up and my alarm clock said 11:28am. Eeek! I look blindly at the cable box and from what I can decipher it says the same time. So I run my ass off, getting ready to go into work.. then with my contacts on I look at the time.. 8:35. So I did sleep in, but only by a little. I had a bizarre dream. I dreampt that I was supposed to go on a date.. when he called me he told me he just had his Mercedes serviced and that it would probably only take 2 hours to get to our destination (where that was). I was like.. wha?? I don't remember making no friggin date.. so I flaked out on him. He was upset and disappointed. Hm. Possibly due to how I've been feeling these days about myself.

So today, I've been hacking up nasty chunks.

Didn't help that I had to redo 3 of my fillings yesterday.. Yeah, count 'em 4. Er, 3. However, it wasn't too bad with the nitrous. As soon as I walked into the procedure room, the nurse hooked me up. Ahhh.. sweet, beautiful nitrous. How I love thee.

He started with my lower left jaw. When he gave me the shot of novocaine, I could feel tingling up and down my jawline.. and this morning my lower lip is still tingling. Is that normal? Well, it makes my lower lip look really pouty, like I just had collagen injections or something.

Next was my upper right. By the time everything was over I was diagonally numb across my face. I enjoy trying to put on lipstick when my face is numb then looking in the mirror to see how accurate I was. Usually it's halfway down my chin and that makes me laugh.

What Was Your PastLife?

Is Phoebe evil? I want to be the evil one..


Which Charmed witch are you?
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Which T.V witch are you????
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Bah!!

I'm from Slytherin!

Hogwart's Sorting Hat Quiz

made by The Genki Gang

Bahahaha!!!


Frodo's my fancy!
What's your fancy? Click here and tell the world!

Just found out Miho will be visiting me from Jan 31st - Feb 3rd! So happy happy!! YAY!! At least that gives me something to look forward to. I'm missing my family and home.

I must've been in a daze last night when I wrote that I was more content. I just began thinking again of self-harm and why I do the things I do to myself. The reasons behind it all, and began getting more down about everything again. The reprecussions of it. Coughing and behind sick again. Tired and dizzy. Trying to fit into a template into what people expect of you and of what you expect of yourself is so incredibly draining and stressful. I don't think I will ever become close to someone.. and frankly right now I don't want to. I will never meet up to their expectations and they'll leave eventually. I'm afraid to get close.. but this is more than having a relationship. I feel like I'm floating somewhere in purgatory, trying to isolate myself from the potential depression and pain around me. and my thoughts seems so stupid and self-defeating.

Sorry for the sad entry.

Stayed home today since there were a bunch of schedule power outtages at work. I got a lot done.. went shopping.. *grin* went to the gym, then actually did the work I was supposed to at home.

I am more and more convinced that guys are scum. (okay, maybe not all, but most)

Burnt a bunch of CD's including the rest of Mark Farino's Mushroom Jazz (v1 and v2) and the Sebas Arcabascio Mix (w/ Armin van Buuren, Paul Oakenfold & DJ Tiesto).

I think I'm getting better.. I'm happier. I still have a problem which has become more habitual now.. but I can tell I'm having second thoughts about it when I do it. Hm. Can I be more vague? Well, I'm off to play yahoo pool!!

Over Thanksgiving China would carry her rawhide bone around.. and wouldn't leave it anywhere. Including when she'd nap.

You're the FONT tag- some people ignore you, some people adore you. When you like someone, you like them a lot, but when you don't like them- watch out.

Which 'Sealab 2021' character are you?
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My roommate was telling me about snorting himself awake during a movie he was watching with a date on Friday evening. Our living room is pretty sparse so any sort of loud sound reverberates around the room. This reminded me of the time I snorted myself awake while in a car with 3 of my coworkers (one of which was my supervisor). I'd never done it before and I was quite apalled at the unlady-like sound that I had just emitted. I tried to laugh and play it off, but it didn't help that I unintentionally made a horribly gross sound. GAH!!!!!!!!!

Happy Monday everyone! Occassionally I have a cup of coffee if I'm feeling particularly tired.. and this morning I definitely needed a cup. However, it is not resting well in my stomach and I have a suspicion it will be making its exit very soon!

Friday evening I was *tricked* into going into a party at a club in SF by Chris (gr!). Actually I had a great time dancing and meeting new people.. so it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I crashed at his place and in the morning we had breakfast for breakfast (which isn't as good as breakfast for dinner).

I rode both Saturday and Sunday.. yesterday Bob and I trailered the horses out to Del Valle in Livermore. It took us an hour to get the trailer hooked up and out of the barn because my truck kept getting stuck in the mud. At one point we had about 6 people helping us push my truck out. Quite funny! Yay for non-4 wheel drive. Then, when we got to the trailhead.. we took the route we generally take which leads us along the lake for the first half then loops around back to the campsite. As soon as we got to the lake, Tavi (Bob's horse) heads straight in. Both of us were a bit amused that he had no qualms about walking right into the water (Isabella was less thrilled and was occupying herself by splashing the dogs). We soon found out his motivation for his eagerness as he proceeded to lie down in the water.. with Bob still riding him. He was just about to turn and roll when Bob managed to get him back up on his feet. Horses are funny!

I bought two CD's which are awesome, Underworld's A Hundred Days Off and Mark Farina's Mushroom Jazz v4. Ahhh.. I'm diggin this acid jazz stuff. Both CDs are really good.. although I prefer the more downtempo mellow ethereal sounding stuff of the second CD.

Hmm.. my cube neighbor is already asleep/snoring and it's only 10am.

Saw '25th Hour' last night which I really enjoyed. The movie just guides you along a full spectrum of emotions that the characters experience. I'm suprised that this movie hasn't been more popular. I really like Barry Pepper. Although he isn't conventionally considered attractive, he is certainly yummy in my book.

I've been kazaa-busy downloading all of the athf episodes. I'm addicted.

Be a spermy!

Welp, I finished all my errands and didn't see him. Although my vaccuum cleaner is still broken.. I bought a new belt but I haven't the faintest clue on vaccuum anatomy. I'm not even sure if I'm spelling it right??

Yesterday at a department meeting we were given the worst case scenario for our jobs. Worst case.. if we don't find a source of funding soon, we will be given 90 days notice. Severance will be 0-3 years = 2 weeks play, plus 2 weeks pay for every year additional to this. I will be at 3 years permanent employment in June, so I'm crossing my fingers they will hold on to at least then. However gloomy this news is, I'm a bit excited.. change is good and I'm looking forward to it in this case.

Tonight I will be going over to my friend Chris's house (see December 5th's entry).. we're going to have a good old fashioned slumber party: eat breakfast for dinner, watch bad movies, play computer games, talk about boys, and have pillow fights in our underwear. He's pretty entertaining and China will be coming along as well.

I was talking to my therapist this morning about my growing malcontent about dating. Putting forth the effort tires me out now more than ever and I am more and more convinced that a long break is due. I think I will concentrate more on establishing good friendships and on trying to improve my own self-perception before getting involved with someone romantically.

Oh yeah, on a few random notes. I saw a guy with a big plumber's butt this morning.. so cool. It made my day. Also I've had this meow mix song stuck in my head for a week now (thanks to my bud, Phoenix/Paul).

I want to go home.

Is it wrong if I'd rather stay at home and do my laundry/fix my vacuum rather than go out with a guy?

I had tentative plans to go out with a guy I was seeing back in September this week. He was the young one.. very handsome. Similar to me in that he was slightly reclusive.. spent a lot of time online.. a bit jaded. Oh yeah, and he gave the best oral I've ever had! Boy had a magic tongue.. ahh the memories.. Anyways, he had a lovely personality.. and was very affectionate. But he lived more than an hour away.. plus he was busy with school and work. So things didn't work out.

So.. I'm asking myself if I wanted to see him tonight.. and I do.. but ugh, he lives so far away. Plus I have so many errands to run tonight. Working out, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping. Is this a sign that I'm growing old? I think I'm turning into one of those lady hermits.. I'll have a booty call here and there, but overall I'll be reclusive and agoraphobic by choice. Yeah, that'll work. :)

My elfen name: Nienna Yávëtil

Go make lots of these..give them to neighbors, friends, the postman, your boss, or whoever you think needs a little happiness in their life..

Top google search words in the last 3 days:
LOONG BOOBS
I drugged her then fucked her stories
dental hygenist pictures
peed her pants pictures
wedgie pick it
peeing in the forrest girl
two faced backstabber coworkers
BLOWING NOSE PHOTOS
Getting inside of her panties
the seven dwarves were feeling happy, so happy got up and left
Groups Hairy Photos
halotosis
milfing
evening dresses for big breasts
Constipated Body Shakes dogs (#1 for this search!)
pictures of my neighbor's butt
Losing at Strip Poker pictures
kinky underwear
Lizette's boobs
pussy wedgies
vagina whole inside photos

And I still get about 10+ hits a day from people searching for BRAZILIAN WAX PHOTOS, you sickos.

Similar to our new bloggy friend, Kevin, I too have a little crush on a member of the rental video work force. His name is Ali and he works at the nearby Hollywood video and OH BOY, he's a little hottie. Okay, so he's probably around 20-21 years old (a leeetle young), but geezus.. I want to thank his parents for the nice combo of genes they put together on this one.

Last Friday I had rented a few videos and we talked a while about "Death to Smootchie" and how good of a movie it was. He was standing at the counter, on a bit of a platform - so his crotch was a little lower than eye level.. and I may have taken a little peek.. tee hee. He's been more than a little obvious as well.. when waiting to hand me the videos behind the security columns, I've seen him checking me out (after he's checked me out, HAR) as I am walking towards him. Ahhhhhh eye candy is fun.

Alright, more poo stories to entertain you all (since poo is funny).

Yesterday my roommate comes into my room. We're talking, we're bantering back and forth.. she asks me if she could use my restroom. I think this is odd.. because she usually uses the hall bathroom.. but I agree (after running to the toilet and flushing the pre-existing pee). She leaves the restroom open while she's talking to me.. I think nothing of it. Later that night I walk into my bathroom and almost projectile vomit, the stank is so bad!! Girl poo'd in my bathroom! ewww... while talking to me nonetheless. What the.

I've peed while talking to people.. (though it feels a bit odd). But pooing? Have some dignity, people! For the love of God.. don't talk to people while you poo. Don't stink up your roommate's bathroom either. Light a match or something for peet's sake.

Me! A lumberjack.. who woulda thunk..



What Was Your PastLife?

This result is wierd. I am not that social..



What Obscure Animal are you?

Holy Holy I found a nice site to occupy my time at work.

Mmm.. soft luxurious flannel sheets.. ever since I recieved these flannel sheets for Christmas (thanks Mom!) I've been sleeping like a dead person. So warm.. so wonderful. Like I'm nestled in a warm little womb, momma don't give birth to me.. please momma..

Anyhoo, I'm a bit sleepy this morning. I've been seriously considering moving to the Berkeley area. However I have a few trepidations. For one, I'm a bit scared of Berkeley people. The college students for the most part are fine.. but most permanent Berkeley residents are a bit.. crunchy. Will I get sucked into their granola world? Second, would I get a place to myself or in a house with other people? Sharing a house is definitely more affordable and the company can be nice sometimes.. but I tend to lock myself into seclusion. Ugh, decisions, decisions.

omg... looking through my access long I found this link to Mark's picture.. Nice to see his picture is getting some use on the 'net.

Crap I accidently deleted this post. Well poo.. it was a good post too.

Monday morning.. tired and sore. I pretty much spent the whole weekend with the horse and the dog.. with a few movies thrown in here and there. Saturday I wanted to ride but when I got out to the barn Isabella was pretty much caked with wet mud. Ew. So I just let her graze while I chatted with folks and watched China run full speed into the mud-ridden nasty pasture and scare all the other horses. We headed over to the dog park afterwards and I made a few observations. China is definitely afflicted with dysfunctional only-child syndrome. She doesn't approach any dogs to play.. she just kind of stands on the outskirts of a romping fun-loving group, waiting to be invited. Only when dogs start running does she involve herself, chasing or asking to be chased.. but as soon as more attention is given to her, she shies away and runs back towards me. She is also quite good at distracting dogs who are faithfully fetching for their owners, foiling them by intercepting their run-path. This causes the owner to usually have to fetch the ball/stick themself (which amuses me). She's done this several times on our visits to the dog park. Also, I think I got hit on by a lesbian. There are a lot of lesbians at the dog park.

Saturday evening I saw 'Minority Report' which I really enjoyed. It's a long movie and I rented the DVD so I was able to watch all the extra goodies that came with the movie. A really excellent, thought-provoking story. Go watch it NOOOWWW. Last night I saw 'Catch Me if you Can' which was also pretty good. Leonardo and his pre-pubescent body are so incredibly hot. Me wants to lick him.

Would you recognize your own foot if it was severed from your body and put in a big pile of other severed feet?

When you're sitting on a wooden chair and you have to fart, do you ever grab the bottom of the chair to make it sound louder?

Ugh, I was going to go home before lunch today.. but one of my bosses needs charts made up of data I generated before a big meeting tomorrow.. so I stay. I had to redo and experiment 3 times because I kept spacing out and messing up.. definitely.. need.. sleep....

*WARNING* This post was written on 2 hours of a fitful night's sleep during which I coughed up half my lungs and blew out my nose.

4 weeks, ARGGGH!! I'm turning 26. I've been putting this post off for too long. Here goes, my rant on growing older. 26. That puts me in my "upper 20's". Where has my youth gone? What have I accomplished in my quarter century here on earth?

When I was 18, I fully expected to be settled down at 26. A steady beau, a steady job.. working to establish a base to eventually have a family. Heck, I thought I would have a baby by the time I was 27-28 or so. I'd pop or 2 or so, then hopefully be able to stay at home to raise them (at least in their most formative years). With my current state of affairs, I feel like I'm in limbo.. like I'm waiting for something to happen. My job is unstable.. the department I work in is in the process of looking for a partner and could fold if we don't find one by the end of this year. I'm not 100% happy with the house I am renting a room in (landlord may kick everyone out if the extra room isn't filled by the end of this month) and I'm planning on moving.. possibly out to the Berkeley hills sometime this year. And the guy situation.. well. No comment.

So what am I aspiring for? I could say my career.. to try and become as successful as I can in my professional endeavours.. but ultimately, excelling in my field wouldn't make me feel fulfilled. Even if I went back to school to become a neonatal nurse like I've been thinking about.. I would just feel like I'm making money to live like I am right now.

Ugh, how can I say this without sounding horribly cheesy. I don't think I can.. so I'll just say it.. I want to meet that guy who'll sweep me off my feet. Every time I look at this person I will want to be close to him (and lick him). It'll be helpful if he can put up with my geekiness and sometimes childish behavior.. and he would have admirable traits, like a passion for something in life. Someone who shares the same values as I do and strives for a fulfilling life with ultimately a family in mind.

So I feel like I'm waiting.. I'm waiting to see if I'll still be employed by the end of this year. I'm waiting to see if I'm going to be given notice to move out of the house I'm living in. I'm waiting to meet him.

Well, I've learned quite a bit about myself and what I want, I think that's progress. Although 2002 was a really shitty year, I was able to reaffirm what will make me happy in life.

I know all of this will happen eventually. So I'm riding the tide until opportunity arises.

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest
when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The
rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why
do you do this? Come with me running through the
forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The
giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it
and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the
rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do
this? Think about your health. Come running with us
through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so
good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor,
mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts
running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to
shoot up... "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think
about your health! Come running with us through the
sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks
at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the
shit out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look
at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was
merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run
around the forest like an idiot for hours every time
he's on ecstasy!"

I am suffering from a serious lack of sleep.. my cold just isn't going to get better if I'm gallivanting around all night! Well, not really.. just tossing and turning in my bed. I humm and hawww.. and adjust my pillows.. wonder how China can just plop herself down and sleep until the morning. Sometimes I bump her to see if she's really asleep and if she wants attention.

My friend gave me chinese herbal medicine yesterday for my cold. A molasses tasting flower extract liquid of which I just want to drink the whole bottle, and a bottle of pills which I'm supposed to take 5 pills for 3 times during the day (for respiratory distress). It took me a while to get the nerve to start taking the pills because one of the ingredients listed is: caterpillar fungus. Hrrrrm. I'm hoping this is an herb and not growth off of a sedentary bug.

Last night I began playing Kingdom Hearts. Let me just reiterate to you all that I suck at all video games (except for Quake). I just don't have the patience for role playing games. There's this 'older brother' character that my character keeps trying to beat through an obstacle course and I keep losing!! Many profanities were directed towards this guy and I quit the game. I think I'd rather watch someone play the game for me. A reviewer on amazon states: "the game is a bit too challenging for anyone younger than 10". I suck!!

After my unsuccessful stint at the PS2, I went to play Quake.. made myself feel better. I played until past midnight and then couldn't sleep until 2 or so. Ugh. I'm such a geek. Tonight I will sleep early.

Shake-zula,
the mic rulah,
the old schoolah
you wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya.

Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop
Meatwad you're up next with your knock-knock....

Meatwad make the money see,
Meatwad get the honeys G
Drivin in my car, livin' like a star
Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.

-ATHF (a very entertaining show! I also like Yugioh - I love his hair)

<---I added 2 more fun links for your blogging pleasure (if you haven't noticed already). "Tales from the City" and "Search for Love in Manhattan" Two fun blogs (found them through Stacy!) - go check 'em out!

Here's my theory about the email received below: I think it was from a guy wanting me to talk to him about my boobs. Girls just don't talk about random strangers about having big boobs. Mine aren't even that large.. I mean.. 34HH? Is that humanly possible?

I watched Joe Millionaire last night. Can a guy really be that stupid? The guy is dense.. and thinking that he's going to find his one true love within the group of catty girls with $$ signs in their eyes.. haha.. keep dreamin'. This morning on the radio the DJs were talking about possible twists the program could have at the end.. one being that it is actually the butler that is worth $50 million dollars and he's making the choices throughout the program. That would be interesting..

I slept a little better last night. Took my dose of Nyquil but it still took me a while to go to sleep. I was reading horsey magazines last night and I LOOOOONGGGGG to compete with Isabella again. I want to so badly it hurts! I just kept running through my mind different competition scenarios in my head.. conditioning and diet regimens. Ugh, I'm such a dork. However, I did sleep on my new flannel sheets my mom gave me for Christmas.. they're soooooo comfy. Minimal wedgies. This morning I'm coughing up what appears to be pure evil that accumulated in my lungs throughout the night.

I was bored last night and was tired of my monolength hair.. so I cut bangs. They're about as long as my chin and as soon as I cut then I thought.. 'oh SHIT, they're fucked up!!'. But they're actually not so bad. Well, maybe I'm trying to make myself feel better. I need to make an appointment with my hairdresser. :(

Bizarre.. check out this email I just got. What the hell..

Dear Akasha,

I came across your e mail address somewhere where you mentioned the size of your bust. I am a natural 34HH cup and the rest of my body is quite slim. I used to be smaller, but for some reason over the last few years I've grown and grown. At first I didn't like it. Now I'm learning to come to terms with my new shape!

The reason I'm writing is because it would be nice to give and receive support from a woman in a similar situation. I tend to feel a bit isolated sometimes as none of my friends are even a DD and people don't realise what it's like to be seen as a walking pair of boobs.

Well, I'd love to correspond with you and ask you lots of questions and in the meantime please ask me anything you like.

Hope to hear from you,

Sarah

Well, I get into the office today and there were some changes.

FIRST of all.. no more yahoo messenger.. Well, poo! I can't chat all day long.. they're MAKING me work. *CRY* I can still get my email from my horsemail account throughout the day though.. email me.. please.. keep me entertained.

Second, I can't reach any of my Q3 gaming forums. Yeah, I'm a nerd.. but I need my fix of geekdom everyday.. see what's going on over at provinggrounds.com. *grrrr*

Third, being the bright young foolio that I am, I couldn't remember the password to get into the network.. nor my password to access my email. So I called the helpdesk and was on hold for 5 minutes (no doubt with others who had forgotten their passwords) and was able to log onto my computer.. but the email takes longer for some reason.

Cold is still lingering on and has moved onto an annoying cough. I can't seem to sleep well either although my sleep schedules have been completely erratic over the last few weeks. One day last week I got over 20 hours of sleep (I think Thursday, the worse day of my cold) and Saturday evening I slept for 12 hours. I've been meaning to mention this earlier.. but is it just me or do others get massive wedgies as they sleep? I always wake up with them. Maybe my panties are too small. Or my ass-crack is just really big.

If I'm 30 and still unattached, I may have to sign up for this. Jered's a hottie, yEEEEHAaawww!

Feeling much better today!! I'll be driving down tomorrow.. I can't wait to see Isabella again. I'm still a little queasy and weak from not eating or drinking much. Today I actually woke up with an appetite and made myself a quesadilla. Probably not the best idea for a first meal.. but it was yummy anyways. Sorry my entries are so boring!

Ya know, Elvis in his hey-day was pretty yummy. Dark haired, tall, beautiful eyes.. Mmmmm--mm. My kinda guy.

<--oh boy that new yahoo icon stands out doesn't it? hmmm

Trip up is postponed until Saturday.. i can hardly keep these eyes open and I want to cut my nose off with a rusty chainsaw.

Last night was my first real rave/clubbing experience.. Together As One

Lizette says it really didn't capture the true rave element, but I had fun nonetheless. I was quite drugged out on cold medicine (still quite sick) :( and a frappuccino and Red Bull to begin with. Add more caffeine and smoke and I was pretty loopy by the end of the night. Hardcore techno scares me. We mainly stayed in the jungle room because that was Ayren and LIzette's favorite. There were some pretty amazing dancers.. for a while I just watched a bunch of guys taking turns break/street dancing, doing crazy stuff on the floor. Personally I liked the house music the best.. but that's cuz I'm a froofy kinda gal. For the most part people were really nice and friendly.. lots of people said Happy New Year to me.. and it wasn't as scary of an experience that I thought it would be.

We stopped by a Denny's afterwards.. I don't even remember tasting my food because at that point my cold had overtaken everything and I was dying. I had a hard time getting to sleep because of the caffeine and I slept until noon, ate lunch, then went to sleep for 5 more hours. I'm supposed to be driving back up north tomorrow by myself, but with this cold it may not exactly be safe. So I may have to postpone until Saturday.

All in all, a very good New Year's.. I hope everyone has a better year than I did last year, 2002 SUCKED ASS!!!