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Saturday, July 13, 2002
Google keywords to this site: 9: nasty open ass with something inside mamma.com
Akasha 6:07 PM Friday, July 12, 2002 This post is going to be about boring weight loss stuff.. skip to the end if you want something spicier :) So.. I had to weigh in at the nutritionists yesterday. I always dread weighing in because the last two times I've gone I've felt really gross and yucky.. like I hadn't lost any weight. The week before I had gone in on a Saturday morning on an empty stomach right after my period - I felt like I was this big old balloon retaining all this fluid. The night before I was hanging out with Sharon and had eaten a bunch of chips and salty.. yummy. Lo and behold.. I had lost 4 pounds from the week previous. So last night when I stepped on the scale, I was dreading it.. the scale they have is very high tech. You step on with bare feet and through an electric current it measures lean body mass vs fat mass. Very cool. I was also anxious because everyone knows that you weigh more at 7:30 in the evening versus 9:30 in the morning! All right.. so last night I discovered I had lost another 2 1/2 pounds.. WHICH IS PRETTY DAMN COOL!!! I am really loving this.. but being on this program is expensive.. but I think it's a worthy investment. I feel like their ideal patient.. I'm so good at keeping my food balance and exercising every week. Ok, I have a little slip up here and there. Yesterday I had a bit of ice cream at an afternoon meeting, and I also helped myself to chips and salsa at Chevy's for lunch. However, I've been exercising regularly.. and all the weight I've been losing has been mostly fat loss and not lean muscle. If I was starving myself, I would be losing lean muscle.. not fat. The nutritionists keep warning me not to starve myself because my metabolism will slow down and then I won't lose any weight.. hasn't been a problem so far. So I'm really happy I'm doing this. Self-esteem. My confidence level is pretty good.. I think I'm pretty centered in keeping myself away from destructive behaviors but being able to experiment in life and feel good about it. It's going to take a while before I look in the mirror and be awed by my body.. but I think as long as I keep exercising I'll feel good about myself and know that I'm doing what I can to be fit and happy with my life. All right now.. breaking news. I haven't mentioned him before on my journal. I've had feelings for someone and I'm now here to publically say that I'm over it. It's not good for me to pursue something that will never happen. I've pretty much let this person have free access to my heart and his own heart has been scarred and hurt so much that he refuses to have anything to do with mine.. so that's it. My feelings for him had nothing to do with my breakup. Akasha 9:41 AM Wednesday, July 10, 2002 This is the best site ever. Check it out... now. Akasha 11:04 PM One of my better pictures.. :) Akasha 10:20 PM Love like you've never been hurt. I read this a few days after Bob and I called it quits. It has stuck with me and I'm really trying to make this my philosophy in my love life. I realized the posts I made after our breakup were cynical and depressing. But now.. I'm really looking forward to being single again. So where do I start? Hmm.. I guess I've always been kind of quiet around guys. I avoid eye-contact and laugh away any sort of attempt at flirting with me. I become uncomfortable with attention that I'm not sure that I want.. and I think my weight has been a literal sort of protective layer for me. Now that its becoming less of a factor (working out, eating much less.. I've lost 15 pounds so far, 11 more towards the original goal weight - but I still want to lose more), I'll have nothing to hide behind. This scares me a little bit, but I know its good progress.. I think I tend to scare people with my emotions. Too much too fast maybe? I tend to be like that.. I throw all my emotions into something or someone I find stimulating.. then later I regret going so quickly. You'd think I'd learn because I know this already, but I repeat this pattern. I lay my heart out on the line and wait for something to happen.. There is one thing I've been waiting for.. for a long time.. best things come to those who wait. Akasha 3:34 PM Tuesday, July 09, 2002 I'm suprised no one's commented on my weekend... HEEE HEEE HEE!! Akasha 9:19 AM Monday, July 08, 2002   You're Leonardo! You're the undisputed leader in any situation, strong and smart. You take your ninja craft VERY seriously, sometimes to the annoyance of the rest of the gang. You are loyal and sincere, and dislike chaos and disorder. You are very close to your family and like nothing better than sharing a pizza with them after a hard day. Which Ninja Turtle Are You? Quiz by Irish Akasha 11:26 AM This weekend felt very.. very.. long. I was housesitting for Andrea's - I love her place! Pool table, hot tub, trampoline, and tons and tons of movies. Friday evening I went and looked at that place where I would be able to keep Isabella if I wanted. It seemed really nice.. I liked the guy there and the rooms were huge and airy. Our dogs got along fantastically. However.. it was 10 to 15 minutes of a drive from any sort of town. I was stressed out after I came home from the place, didn't know what to do. What decision to make. Finally after a lot of thought this weekend, I decided not to take the place. I figured, I'm 25, single.. and I need to have some sort of social interaction.. whether it be my friends from the barn or being able to go out into downtown Walnut Creek without it being a huge deal. So I cruised the craigslist ads again, wrote a few people.. and I think I may have found another 25 year old chickie to find a place with. Sharon came over after that to watch a movie with me.. we spent about 30 minutes trying to get the DVD player to work (Andrea has about 4 remote controls for their entertainment system) and then we sat and watched "The Green Mile". It was an amazing movie.. it touched my heart.. last night I was telling Bob about the movie and tears came to my eyes as I told him the ending.. I recommend everyone out there to see this movie. Simply amazing. After I dropped off Sharon at home, I went online and chatted for a while with random folks. I was bored outta my ass and I finally went to bed around 2:30am. I had to get up at 8 to weigh in at the nutritionist office. So I get to the office at 9am and I find out my appt is at 9:30am! Argh, how annoying. Anyways, when my appt comes around I tell the woman that I don't think I lost any weight. I had my period the week before and the whole time I felt bloated and gross. Well, it turns out I lost 4 pounds! I couldn't believe it. I'm only 12 pounds away from my original goal weight that they had given me in the beginning.. however, I don't think the goal weight they gave me is what I want to weigh ultimately.. I want to lose more to be happy. I still have about 3 more months on the plan then 2 months of maintenance. When I got back to Andrea's, I donned my new bathing suit and laid out most of the day. I got a little burnt.. not bad. I read a whole novel, watched about 6 movies, and basically had no human contact with anyone!! It was a little unusual. So I hopped online for a while.. then I did something that I thought I would never, EVER do. I'll leave it at that for now. :) Let's just say I had the whole house to myself and I was up until 4:30am. In the morning I had to get up early to clean up and be out before Andrea got back.. so I got little sleep like the night before. I got home and slept for another 3 hours. I did a few things, and by the time I got around to eating again, it had been about 22 hours since I last ate. I had some Trader Joe's chicken curry with rice which went RIGHT through me. yay for spicey food!! I went to the barn afterwards, gave my girl a kiss and rode her around for a little bit. It was a long, fun weekend. :) Akasha 9:58 AM |
