Inside her mind..
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Just found out Miho will be visiting me from Jan 31st - Feb 3rd! So happy happy!! YAY!! At least that gives me something to look forward to. I'm missing my family and home.
I must've been in a daze last night when I wrote that I was more content. I just began thinking again of self-harm and why I do the things I do to myself. The reasons behind it all, and began getting more down about everything again. The reprecussions of it. Coughing and behind sick again. Tired and dizzy. Trying to fit into a template into what people expect of you and of what you expect of yourself is so incredibly draining and stressful. I don't think I will ever become close to someone.. and frankly right now I don't want to. I will never meet up to their expectations and they'll leave eventually. I'm afraid to get close.. but this is more than having a relationship. I feel like I'm floating somewhere in purgatory, trying to isolate myself from the potential depression and pain around me. and my thoughts seems so stupid and self-defeating.
Sorry for the sad entry.
I must've been in a daze last night when I wrote that I was more content. I just began thinking again of self-harm and why I do the things I do to myself. The reasons behind it all, and began getting more down about everything again. The reprecussions of it. Coughing and behind sick again. Tired and dizzy. Trying to fit into a template into what people expect of you and of what you expect of yourself is so incredibly draining and stressful. I don't think I will ever become close to someone.. and frankly right now I don't want to. I will never meet up to their expectations and they'll leave eventually. I'm afraid to get close.. but this is more than having a relationship. I feel like I'm floating somewhere in purgatory, trying to isolate myself from the potential depression and pain around me. and my thoughts seems so stupid and self-defeating.
Sorry for the sad entry.
