Inside her mind..

I woke up this morning in a grumpy mood. Last night I had this dream that this guy I've been semi-seeing was so incredibly happy to see me.. we got out of our cars and he ran over to me and gave me a huge, unexpected hug. Very uncharacteristic of him because aside from a few passing comments he's made when I've pressed him, he has seemed ambivalent about seeing me. Last night I chatted with him briefly, asked him when he wanted to get together next, and he gave me 'no idea' and that was that. The dream made me cranky because GEEZUS I deserve to have a reception like that.. I would do the same for him but I'm getting nothing in return which is so incredibly frustrating.. and I wait.. and recieve nothing back in return. I wait on more than one occassion and get nothing. I'm getting really sick and tired of it.

I feel like this with a lot of the relationships in my life right now. That people are taking from me and I'm giving to them.. but I'm recieving nothing in return. To be honest, I really don't mind that if a friend is in need... I will give my everything to them. I give them their time to settle themselves, but right now I feel like I'm getting my emotions sucked out of me from so many different people and its taking its toll on me. My roommate, my coworker friends, guys. It's incredibly unfulfilling when you're used as a friend and really makes me want to hole myself up and be even more anti-social than I have been and just be a selfish recluse.