Inside her mind..

This post is going to be about boring weight loss stuff.. skip to the end if you want something spicier :)

So.. I had to weigh in at the nutritionists yesterday. I always dread weighing in because the last two times I've gone I've felt really gross and yucky.. like I hadn't lost any weight. The week before I had gone in on a Saturday morning on an empty stomach right after my period - I felt like I was this big old balloon retaining all this fluid. The night before I was hanging out with Sharon and had eaten a bunch of chips and salty.. yummy. Lo and behold.. I had lost 4 pounds from the week previous. So last night when I stepped on the scale, I was dreading it.. the scale they have is very high tech. You step on with bare feet and through an electric current it measures lean body mass vs fat mass. Very cool. I was also anxious because everyone knows that you weigh more at 7:30 in the evening versus 9:30 in the morning! All right.. so last night I discovered I had lost another 2 1/2 pounds.. WHICH IS PRETTY DAMN COOL!!!

I am really loving this.. but being on this program is expensive.. but I think it's a worthy investment. I feel like their ideal patient.. I'm so good at keeping my food balance and exercising every week. Ok, I have a little slip up here and there. Yesterday I had a bit of ice cream at an afternoon meeting, and I also helped myself to chips and salsa at Chevy's for lunch. However, I've been exercising regularly.. and all the weight I've been losing has been mostly fat loss and not lean muscle. If I was starving myself, I would be losing lean muscle.. not fat. The nutritionists keep warning me not to starve myself because my metabolism will slow down and then I won't lose any weight.. hasn't been a problem so far. So I'm really happy I'm doing this.

Self-esteem. My confidence level is pretty good.. I think I'm pretty centered in keeping myself away from destructive behaviors but being able to experiment in life and feel good about it. It's going to take a while before I look in the mirror and be awed by my body.. but I think as long as I keep exercising I'll feel good about myself and know that I'm doing what I can to be fit and happy with my life.

All right now.. breaking news. I haven't mentioned him before on my journal. I've had feelings for someone and I'm now here to publically say that I'm over it. It's not good for me to pursue something that will never happen. I've pretty much let this person have free access to my heart and his own heart has been scarred and hurt so much that he refuses to have anything to do with mine.. so that's it. My feelings for him had nothing to do with my breakup.