Inside her mind..

Ok, so I've been dreading having to write this.. but I will just for your entertainment.

Alright, so I did go on a date yesterday.. it sound so strange, me going out on a date. Anyways.. I decided to try out one of the online personals, lavalife. I thought, what the hell.. I don't meet that many guys normally in person.. so I'll give this a try. Online personals do have their advantages over meeting someone in person. You can look at a lot of guys, look at the age category you want, and immediately weed out the ones that you're not interested in without having to hurt people's feelings.

So I met this guy.. exchanged photos, and started talking to him online. It was hard to gauge how we clicked online.. sometimes it seemed we were on two different planes.. but we had a few good conversations. We talked on the phone.. clicked better, had some great conversations. So we decided to meet in San Francisco Sunday evening. I won't go through all the details.. but GEEZUS it was really awkward. Without a set agenda in mind, I felt like I was always saying, "So what do you want to do now?" "Want to do this?" Ugh.. I don't want to have to make the decisions all the time. Are first dates always like this??

It didn't seem like we clicked in person. He didn't look like his photo.. not that it was bad.. but I was imagining and expecting a different person. Anyways, the awkwardness of dating.. the uncomfortable silences.. that's what I'm not looking forward to in my future dating adventures. Then I got off BART and was walking to my truck.. and this guy approaches me, asks me for the time, then tries to make conversation with me about what I was doing in SF, him having to work on a Sunday, etc.. I was like.. go away.. please. I've had enough of small talk.. GAHAH!H!!!! I hate small talk.

So I got home.. chilled out for a little bit, hopped online.. he was on so we exchanged a few cordial messages back and forth.. but I don't think anything will happen from it.

I know it was only one experience.. but online dating has put a bad taste in my mouth. My date wasn't a horrible experience.. just an uncomfortable one. I was completely out of my element and I felt forced to talk. The thing is, I shared a lot of myself to this person and now its not going to work.. now in the future, how much of myself do I want to invest in each guy I talk with before meeting the person? I'm thinking if I'm ever going to meet another person from an online meeting that I should do it right away before investing any feelings or emotions.. cuz I did like the guy. Ah well, c'est la vie. It seems the only other guys I'm interested physically in that site live on the east coast anyway!

I was talking to a guy friend of mine last night who recently got done with a 10 year relationship with his girlfriend this past year. He's been a big match.com'r and he's met over 3 dozen women through that site.. I can't imagine meeting that many people and having to small talk with all of them.. small talk is my enemy..