Inside her mind..

I need to bleed.

I feel incredibly sad right now. After many weeks of trying to see if our relationship was salvagable, Bob and I decided to part our ways in life. Last night on the way to see the counselor I started crying because I couldn't keep it in anymore.. the fact that I didn't think we were going to make it. I had remained emotionally detached from him because I didn't want to give him false hope and promises. Spending time with him over the weekend just clarified some of the reasons why I thought we shouldn't be together.

We decided to go see the counselor even though both of us were quite upset. She was helpful I think, acting as the mediator between our emotions and being able to clearly express how each of us felt. It was emotionally draining. For the first time in all this commotion I felt what I think is grief.. incredible sorrow. When I first brought this up with Bob I felt a huge sense of relief.. but not sorrow.. and I think my heart is finally realizing that this is it.

I only hope that Bob and I can still remain good friends throughout this. I feel no ill will towards him and I only pray that he doesn't have any towards me. I still enjoy spending time with the horses and dogs together with him and I hope he feels the same.

So I am hurting right now.. how long does the grieving process take place? I don't know. As I've said before, I deal with negative emotions by bottling them in.. keeping strong face for my family and friends. In my journey through life, I am alone now.