Inside her mind..

I've been stressing out a little..

So the guy asked me out. Here's how it happened.

He came up to my cube, asked how I was.. I responded, telling him that I was a little sleepy considering it was right after lunch and it was a bright sunny day outside. We were joking around a bit and I told him I needed a bed under my cube just like George from Seinfeld. He mentioned that he knew a few places in the building where you could hide out and wanted to show me.. Ummm... ok. What are you getting yourself into Julienne. Well, so I follow him and he takes me downstairs into this room where these loud generator machines are. Waaay in the back there is this pitch black crevice that he leads me into.. he whips out his flashlight (I'm not talking metaphorically here) and shows me this little nook in the pitch darkness where someone had set up a chair. He tells me he's never used this area, a friend showed him where it was a few weeks ago. Okay.. that's nice.. I'm thinking, get the hell out of here. My sense of self-preservation is pretty strong.

We walk out to a quiet area and chat a little bit about this and that.. then he asks me how my boyfriend is doing. I tell him just fine.. then he tells me he'd like to take me out sometime. He says he's a good tour guide and wants me to take me around the city.. about this time I get into this stupid laughing fit.. and he asks me what I'm laughing at. I tell him that this whole situation is just amusing.. he's a bit confused but takes it a good way. I don't remember if I said yes or no.. I vaguely remember saying that it would be interesting.

So he has nothing to do the rest of the day and we come back to my cube. I show him pictures of all the critters and we get to talking about families. He says he's the youngest out of 10 children and I tell him I'm the oldest of 3. He says that he always seems to get along best with oldest children.. and that's the same deal for me, I always get along with the youngest (Bob, Isa, Raf, Miho). I tell him maybe its because of my dominant personality.. and he nonchalantly says he likes to be dominated. mmmKay.

This whole situation puts a feeling of dread inside me. It feels awkward and strange and I feel out of place.. what did I get myself into? Sheesh.

Then to top it all off, people have been picking on me when I've been playing Quake lately. I usually don't pay attention to online stuff and don't let it bother me, but random unknown people have been coming in, watching me play, and making nasty mean comments about me. The comments don't bother me, but it hurts me that these people are chosing to pinpoint *me* and no one else. I've also found out this other guy I knew for a little bit is talking crap behind my back sayin' I don't go to work because I'm too fat and all I do is play Quake all day. Again, I don't care about his words because he doesn't know the real me and the people who do know me know that I'm a sweet little thing (right?) :) but just the fact that he's pinpointed me to talk shit about.. I can't make any sense out of it and that bothers me.

Last night I had a strange dream. I was visiting my ex-boyfriend (who had a big dick) and I went over to his place. It was a 3-bedroom apartment (like this other guy has) and when I went into his apartment, there was hardly any furniture.. it was totally sparse. All he had was a bed in his room. I remember asking him if he brought the condoms and being a little annoyed when he said he hadn't bought them yet. So I guess I was only there to screw the guy. It was interesting considering the rest of what's going on right now..